2013-05-04
Original: 2013-05-04 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
The comic is a single tall strip telling a story in rhyming verse, with narration in orange caption bars above each illustrated panel.
Panel 1 (caption over a view of a space station/ship near Earth in starry space):
Narration: "A ship appeared by Quaoar. Astronomers, amazed, / said 'Oh my God, now say are they to fear or to be praised?'"
Panel 2 (caption over a woman whispering into the ear of a smiling woman in a blue blazer):
Narration: "They notified their leaders, who notified their fleets / (and notified constituents, in hope keep their seats),"
Panel 3 (caption over a man at a podium gesturing; a speech bubble on the left shows a stick figure menaced by a green alien, a speech bubble on the right shows a smiling pink alien):
Narration: "That aliens of evil shall be handled ruthlessly / and aliens of peacefulness be handled toothlessly."
Panel 4 (caption over a view of the ship in space near a red planet):
Narration: "This difference between 'em, since no knowledge could appear / has most of all to do with just proximity and fear."
Panel 5 (caption over an angry shouting man in a suit beside a TV screen showing a green beam, a question mark, and a red explosion):
Narration: "Proximity increased by day and fear increased in ratio / the news accused the comers of galactic irrumatio."
Panel 6 (caption over a line graph; a red line labeled 'DESIRE FOR WAR' and a blue line labeled 'DESIRE FOR PEACE' both rise together and plateau):
Narration: "The masses wanted peace, of course, but also war perhaps. / The bosses wanted peace, of course, unless that view collapsed."
Panel 7 (caption over a meeting at a table: people argue, one points, one raises a fist):
Narration: "Diplomacy, as often, was not art nor even science / and upright nations placed no hope in brotherly compliance."
Panel 8 (caption over silhouetted figures, one with a red fist):
Narration: "If all would ask the aliens for peace, it'd be achieved / if one state wanted war, well then... although we'd be bereaved"
Panel 9 (caption over the ship in space with Earth in the distance):
Narration: "That nation must be dealt with in a manner cold and honest. / Thus we agreed with strangers coming slow but sure upon us."
Panel 10 (caption over the ship approaching Earth):
Narration: "For though a war of choice may make one's ethics slightly liable / a war to end all war, time after time's been justifiable."
Panel 11 (caption over a red rocket launching from Earth toward the ship in space):
Narration: "And hey, if through the process foes of ours become collateral / I don't see war and policy as wholly incompatible."
Panel 12 (caption over a large mushroom cloud on a blue background):
Narration: "So, first we fought with atoms, and second chemistry / third we fought with bullets, and fourth with rock and tree."
Panel 13 (caption over a scorched, burning landscape with silhouetted people watching as the ship passes overhead in the sky):
Narration: "But the fighting was unceasing, till the ship loomed in the sky. / Delaying not a moment's time, it quickly passed us by."
Votey: A simple line-drawn man looks down, distressed, as blood spurts from his hand/wrist; he holds something in his other open hand.
Panel 1 (caption over a view of a space station/ship near Earth in starry space):
Narration: "A ship appeared by Quaoar. Astronomers, amazed, / said 'Oh my God, now say are they to fear or to be praised?'"
Panel 2 (caption over a woman whispering into the ear of a smiling woman in a blue blazer):
Narration: "They notified their leaders, who notified their fleets / (and notified constituents, in hope keep their seats),"
Panel 3 (caption over a man at a podium gesturing; a speech bubble on the left shows a stick figure menaced by a green alien, a speech bubble on the right shows a smiling pink alien):
Narration: "That aliens of evil shall be handled ruthlessly / and aliens of peacefulness be handled toothlessly."
Panel 4 (caption over a view of the ship in space near a red planet):
Narration: "This difference between 'em, since no knowledge could appear / has most of all to do with just proximity and fear."
Panel 5 (caption over an angry shouting man in a suit beside a TV screen showing a green beam, a question mark, and a red explosion):
Narration: "Proximity increased by day and fear increased in ratio / the news accused the comers of galactic irrumatio."
Panel 6 (caption over a line graph; a red line labeled 'DESIRE FOR WAR' and a blue line labeled 'DESIRE FOR PEACE' both rise together and plateau):
Narration: "The masses wanted peace, of course, but also war perhaps. / The bosses wanted peace, of course, unless that view collapsed."
Panel 7 (caption over a meeting at a table: people argue, one points, one raises a fist):
Narration: "Diplomacy, as often, was not art nor even science / and upright nations placed no hope in brotherly compliance."
Panel 8 (caption over silhouetted figures, one with a red fist):
Narration: "If all would ask the aliens for peace, it'd be achieved / if one state wanted war, well then... although we'd be bereaved"
Panel 9 (caption over the ship in space with Earth in the distance):
Narration: "That nation must be dealt with in a manner cold and honest. / Thus we agreed with strangers coming slow but sure upon us."
Panel 10 (caption over the ship approaching Earth):
Narration: "For though a war of choice may make one's ethics slightly liable / a war to end all war, time after time's been justifiable."
Panel 11 (caption over a red rocket launching from Earth toward the ship in space):
Narration: "And hey, if through the process foes of ours become collateral / I don't see war and policy as wholly incompatible."
Panel 12 (caption over a large mushroom cloud on a blue background):
Narration: "So, first we fought with atoms, and second chemistry / third we fought with bullets, and fourth with rock and tree."
Panel 13 (caption over a scorched, burning landscape with silhouetted people watching as the ship passes overhead in the sky):
Narration: "But the fighting was unceasing, till the ship loomed in the sky. / Delaying not a moment's time, it quickly passed us by."
Votey: A simple line-drawn man looks down, distressed, as blood spurts from his hand/wrist; he holds something in his other open hand.
Alt text
A tall single-strip SMBC comic told as a rhyming poem, with orange narration captions above each illustrated panel. The story: an alien ship appears near Earth, and humanity, gripped by fear and proximity rather than knowledge, decides aliens may be friend or foe. Leaders, fleets, and constituents are notified; a politician declares evil aliens will be handled ruthlessly and peaceful ones 'toothlessly.' Fear rises as the ship nears, and the news whips up panic. A graph shows the public's desire for war and desire for peace climbing together. Diplomacy fails; nations reason that if even one state wants war, that state must be dealt with coldly, so a 'war to end all war' is justified, and enemies becoming collateral is treated as compatible with policy. Panels show humanity fighting itself: a launched rocket, a giant mushroom cloud, and finally a scorched burning landscape where silhouetted survivors watch the alien ship simply pass overhead without stopping. The captions read in order: 'A ship appeared by Quaoar. Astronomers, amazed, said \"Oh my God, now say are they to fear or to be praised?\" They notified their leaders, who notified their fleets (and notified constituents, in hope keep their seats), that aliens of evil shall be handled ruthlessly and aliens of peacefulness be handled toothlessly. This difference between 'em, since no knowledge could appear has most of all to do with just proximity and fear. Proximity increased by day and fear increased in ratio; the news accused the comers of galactic irrumatio. The masses wanted peace, of course, but also war perhaps. The bosses wanted peace, of course, unless that view collapsed. Diplomacy, as often, was not art nor even science and upright nations placed no hope in brotherly compliance. If all would ask the aliens for peace, it'd be achieved; if one state wanted war, well then... although we'd be bereaved, that nation must be dealt with in a manner cold and honest. Thus we agreed with strangers coming slow but sure upon us. For though a war of choice may make one's ethics slightly liable, a war to end all war, time after time's been justifiable. And hey, if through the process foes of ours become collateral, I don't see war and policy as wholly incompatible. So, first we fought with atoms, and second chemistry, third we fought with bullets, and fourth with rock and tree. But the fighting was unceasing, till the ship loomed in the sky. Delaying not a moment's time, it quickly passed us by.' The joke is that humanity destroys itself in paranoid preemptive war over the aliens, who then arrive and simply pass by, indifferent. Votey: a simple line-drawn man looks down in pained dismay as blood spurts upward from his hand.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.