2013-04-04
Original: 2013-04-04 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (top): A masked supervillain on stage at a podium, addressing an audience.
Supervillain: "...AND THAT'S WHY I'LL DETONATE A DIRTY BOMB OVER LONDON! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Text/banner above the stage: "5TH ANNUAL LEGION OF SUPERVILLAINS SYMPOSIUM"
Panel 2: A presenter at the podium with a slide.
Presenter: "EXCELLENT PROPOSAL FROM PTERRORDACTYL. DR. CALAMITY USES LAST SUPERVILLAIN, SHE CLAIMS SHE CAN DELIVER DEATH AND CHAOS CHEAPER AND MORE EFFICIENTLY THAN ANY OF US."
Panel 3 (announcer at lectern): "PLEASE WELCOME THE ECONOMIST!"
Panel 4: Dr. Calamity (a woman in glasses) presenting.
Dr. Calamity: "STEP 1: HIRE 100 PEOPLE TO DRESS LIKE THIS MASK OF THEIR GOVERNMENTS' CENTRAL BANK."
Panel 5: "STEP 2: HAVE THEM SYNCHRONIZE THEIR WATCHES, THEN GO INTO THEIR BANKS."
Panel 6: "STEP 3: AT THE SAME TIME, HAVE EACH TRANSFER A FUNNY VIDEO TO HIS BANK, CAUSING A MILLION RUN. ALL OF GOLD BAGS, SCREAMING 'OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!'"
Panel 7: A list shown on screen.
"COST OF ACTORS: $3,000
COSTUMES & PROPS: $5,000
TRANSPORTATION: $32,000
PEOPLE KILLED: MOST OF THEM"
Panel 8: Dr. Calamity concluding.
Dr. Calamity: "IT WRECKS HEALTH AND FINANCE FOR GENERATIONS. STANDS THE BUDGET PEOPLE FIRST, AND BECAUSE IT'S A CATASTROPHE OF POVERTY... IT DOESN'T EVEN UNIFY PEOPLE!"
Panel 9: A row of assorted supervillains in the audience, listening grimly.
Panel 10: A landscape/sky panel with a speech bubble.
Voice: "AND I NEVER COME BACK!"
Votey: A single black-and-white panel.
Speaker (off-panel, in speech bubble): "WHAT'S YOUR POWER ANYWAY?"
Other character (holding a handgun, pointing it): "GUN."
Supervillain: "...AND THAT'S WHY I'LL DETONATE A DIRTY BOMB OVER LONDON! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Text/banner above the stage: "5TH ANNUAL LEGION OF SUPERVILLAINS SYMPOSIUM"
Panel 2: A presenter at the podium with a slide.
Presenter: "EXCELLENT PROPOSAL FROM PTERRORDACTYL. DR. CALAMITY USES LAST SUPERVILLAIN, SHE CLAIMS SHE CAN DELIVER DEATH AND CHAOS CHEAPER AND MORE EFFICIENTLY THAN ANY OF US."
Panel 3 (announcer at lectern): "PLEASE WELCOME THE ECONOMIST!"
Panel 4: Dr. Calamity (a woman in glasses) presenting.
Dr. Calamity: "STEP 1: HIRE 100 PEOPLE TO DRESS LIKE THIS MASK OF THEIR GOVERNMENTS' CENTRAL BANK."
Panel 5: "STEP 2: HAVE THEM SYNCHRONIZE THEIR WATCHES, THEN GO INTO THEIR BANKS."
Panel 6: "STEP 3: AT THE SAME TIME, HAVE EACH TRANSFER A FUNNY VIDEO TO HIS BANK, CAUSING A MILLION RUN. ALL OF GOLD BAGS, SCREAMING 'OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!'"
Panel 7: A list shown on screen.
"COST OF ACTORS: $3,000
COSTUMES & PROPS: $5,000
TRANSPORTATION: $32,000
PEOPLE KILLED: MOST OF THEM"
Panel 8: Dr. Calamity concluding.
Dr. Calamity: "IT WRECKS HEALTH AND FINANCE FOR GENERATIONS. STANDS THE BUDGET PEOPLE FIRST, AND BECAUSE IT'S A CATASTROPHE OF POVERTY... IT DOESN'T EVEN UNIFY PEOPLE!"
Panel 9: A row of assorted supervillains in the audience, listening grimly.
Panel 10: A landscape/sky panel with a speech bubble.
Voice: "AND I NEVER COME BACK!"
Votey: A single black-and-white panel.
Speaker (off-panel, in speech bubble): "WHAT'S YOUR POWER ANYWAY?"
Other character (holding a handgun, pointing it): "GUN."
Alt text
A tall, full-color SMBC comic set at the "5th Annual Legion of Supervillains Symposium." In the opening panel a masked supervillain at a podium gloats about detonating a dirty bomb over London while an audience watches. A presenter introduces a new speaker, a woman in glasses billed as "The Economist," Dr. Calamity, who claims she can deliver death and chaos more cheaply and efficiently than any other villain. She walks through a numbered scheme: Step 1, hire 100 people to impersonate officials of their governments' central bank; Step 2, have them synchronize watches and enter the banks; Step 3, simultaneously trigger a panicked bank run with bags of gold screaming "Oh God! Oh God!" A cost slide reads: actors $3,000, costumes and props $5,000, transportation $32,000, people killed: most of them. She concludes that it wrecks health and finance for generations and, worst of all, doesn't even unify people. A row of other costumed supervillains looks on grimly, and a final landscape panel has a voice declaring "And I never come back!" The joke skewers an economist out-villaining the supervillains through ruthless cost-efficiency. The black-and-white votey panel is a separate gag: one character asks "What's your power anyway?" and the other, raising a pistol, deadpans "Gun."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.