2013-03-20
Original: 2013-03-20 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A bald, bearded man (named Paul later in the comic) wearing glasses, a yellow shirt, and a blue blazer stands at a lectern, giving a presentation.
Paul: It has long been said that apples cannot be compared to oranges.
Panel 2: Paul, in profile.
Paul: We discovered a method to create a fruit that is genetically equal parts apple and orange. The ORAPPLE.
Panel 3: Paul gestures toward a screen/poster showing three fruits in a row — a red apple, an orange-red fruit, and an orange.
Paul: With selective gene splicing, we can create 'orapples' anywhere on the apple to orange spectrum.
Panel 4: Paul holds up a red apple triumphantly.
Paul: We have thus not only created a tasty fruit, we have changed the nature of argumentation for all time by permitting the analogizing of distinct topics.
Panel 5: Paul, now with a full beard, addresses the audience directly.
Paul: So, when my wife said comparing my happiness level between our 20-year marriage and a summer fling I had in college was "apples to oranges," according to current science, she was agreeing with me.
Panel 6: A woman in a green shirt stands in the purple audience, hand to her face, shouting.
Woman (Sally): Fuck you, Paul!
Panel 7: Paul stands back at his lectern above the purple crowd, shouting back.
Paul: Eat shit, Sally!
Votey:
A roughly-sketched smiling man leans on a desk, thinking.
Thought bubble: From now on, all comics end with "Fuck you, Sally."
Paul: It has long been said that apples cannot be compared to oranges.
Panel 2: Paul, in profile.
Paul: We discovered a method to create a fruit that is genetically equal parts apple and orange. The ORAPPLE.
Panel 3: Paul gestures toward a screen/poster showing three fruits in a row — a red apple, an orange-red fruit, and an orange.
Paul: With selective gene splicing, we can create 'orapples' anywhere on the apple to orange spectrum.
Panel 4: Paul holds up a red apple triumphantly.
Paul: We have thus not only created a tasty fruit, we have changed the nature of argumentation for all time by permitting the analogizing of distinct topics.
Panel 5: Paul, now with a full beard, addresses the audience directly.
Paul: So, when my wife said comparing my happiness level between our 20-year marriage and a summer fling I had in college was "apples to oranges," according to current science, she was agreeing with me.
Panel 6: A woman in a green shirt stands in the purple audience, hand to her face, shouting.
Woman (Sally): Fuck you, Paul!
Panel 7: Paul stands back at his lectern above the purple crowd, shouting back.
Paul: Eat shit, Sally!
Votey:
A roughly-sketched smiling man leans on a desk, thinking.
Thought bubble: From now on, all comics end with "Fuck you, Sally."
Alt text
A bald, bearded man in a yellow shirt and blue blazer (Paul) gives a slideshow lecture. He says apples have long been said to be incomparable to oranges, but he has invented the "orapple" — a fruit that is genetically equal parts apple and orange. He shows a poster of three fruits ranging from red apple to orange, explaining selective gene splicing can make 'orapples' anywhere on the apple-to-orange spectrum. Holding up an apple, he declares he has changed the nature of argumentation forever by making distinct topics analogizable. He concludes that when his wife called comparing his 20-year marriage to a college summer fling "apples to oranges," she was — per current science — actually agreeing with him. A woman in the purple audience shouts "Fuck you, Paul!" and he shouts back "Eat shit, Sally!" Votey: a loosely sketched smiling man leans on a desk, thinking, "From now on, all comics end with 'Fuck you, Sally.'"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.