2013-01-12
Original: 2013-01-12 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title banner: EVENT IDEA: FESTIVAL OF AD HOC BIOLOGICAL ADAPTATION HYPOTHESES
Panel 1: A woman with red hair and round glasses, wearing a purple top, speaks.
Woman: "Babies are shaped like footballs and have more bendable bones than adults."
Panel 2: The woman stands holding a clicker/pointer beside a projector screen showing a diagram of curving arrows (trajectories).
Woman: "This is because primitive man would have wanted to spread his genes as far as possible."
Panel 3: The woman speaks at a podium beside a screen showing a stick figure punting a child over a mountain toward another stick figure.
Woman: "We believe this was accomplished by punting the child from village to village until it arrived in a different population."
Panel 4: The woman beside a screen showing arrows labeled "Air flow."
Woman: "This also explains why babies have ample fat, which protected their organs during punting. It explains why babies must be burped often, because in nature that gas would've been expelled by the dropkick. AND it explains their smooth skin and hairlessness, which make for good aerodynamics."
Panel 5: The woman, seen from behind, faces a large applauding audience in an auditorium.
Woman: "Thank you."
Audience: "BRAVO! BRAVO!"
Panel 6: A bearded man in glasses presents an award to the woman, then an inset shows them posing together as she holds a small gold statue.
Man: "Congratulations, professor. First prize. We award you this gold statue of Darwin looking doubtful."
The statue's inscription reads: "I GUESS SO?" and below, "FAH BAH" (or similar mumbling text).
Votey:
Handwritten caption text only (no characters): "Would you actually attend an event like this? If so, post on the SMBC Facebook group. (/smbccomics) If enough people are interested... who knows?"
Panel 1: A woman with red hair and round glasses, wearing a purple top, speaks.
Woman: "Babies are shaped like footballs and have more bendable bones than adults."
Panel 2: The woman stands holding a clicker/pointer beside a projector screen showing a diagram of curving arrows (trajectories).
Woman: "This is because primitive man would have wanted to spread his genes as far as possible."
Panel 3: The woman speaks at a podium beside a screen showing a stick figure punting a child over a mountain toward another stick figure.
Woman: "We believe this was accomplished by punting the child from village to village until it arrived in a different population."
Panel 4: The woman beside a screen showing arrows labeled "Air flow."
Woman: "This also explains why babies have ample fat, which protected their organs during punting. It explains why babies must be burped often, because in nature that gas would've been expelled by the dropkick. AND it explains their smooth skin and hairlessness, which make for good aerodynamics."
Panel 5: The woman, seen from behind, faces a large applauding audience in an auditorium.
Woman: "Thank you."
Audience: "BRAVO! BRAVO!"
Panel 6: A bearded man in glasses presents an award to the woman, then an inset shows them posing together as she holds a small gold statue.
Man: "Congratulations, professor. First prize. We award you this gold statue of Darwin looking doubtful."
The statue's inscription reads: "I GUESS SO?" and below, "FAH BAH" (or similar mumbling text).
Votey:
Handwritten caption text only (no characters): "Would you actually attend an event like this? If so, post on the SMBC Facebook group. (/smbccomics) If enough people are interested... who knows?"
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic titled "Event Idea: Festival of Ad Hoc Biological Adaptation Hypotheses." A red-haired woman in glasses delivers a deadpan academic lecture proposing that babies are shaped like footballs with bendable bones because primitive man wanted to spread his genes by punting children from village to village until they landed in a different population. She presents projector slides of arcing trajectories, a stick figure being kicked over a mountain, and "Air flow" diagrams, claiming baby fat protected organs during punting, babies need burping because in nature the gas would be expelled by the dropkick, and their smooth hairless skin is for aerodynamics. The audience gives a standing ovation ("Bravo! Bravo!"), and a bearded man awards her first prize: a small gold statue of Darwin looking doubtful, inscribed "I guess so?" The joke is an elaborately straight-faced parody of evolutionary just-so stories. Votey: a handwritten note (no characters) asking whether readers would actually attend such an event and inviting them to post on the SMBC Facebook group (/smbccomics) if interested.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.