2013-01-16
Original: 2013-01-16 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man with dark curly hair, wearing a tank top, pleads with a woman with red hair (seen from behind).
Man: "YOU CAN'T DUMP ME! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I WASN'T ALWAYS THIS WAY..."
Panel 2: The man in profile, against a dark background.
Man: "THREE YEARS AGO, UNDER A FULL MOON, I WAS BITTEN."
Panel 3: The red-haired woman's shoulder in the foreground; the man gestures.
Man: "I WAS BITTEN BY A GUY WHO PLAYED VIDEO GAMES SIXTEEN HOURS A DAY AND HAD NO INTEREST IN EMPLOYMENT."
Panel 4: The man, looking distressed.
Man: "AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY... I AM BECOMING HIM."
Panel 5: Close-up of the man's anguished face.
Man: "YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME! I'M POWERLESS AGAINST AN EVIL FORCE!"
Panel 6: The red-haired woman (in a yellow shirt) faces the man, unimpressed.
Woman: "I DIDN'T THINK YOUR EXCUSES COULD GET ANY DUMBER."
Man: "THE GUY WHO BIT ME ALSO NEEDED 50 BUCKS FROM YOU TO MAKE RENT THIS MONTH."
Votey:
Close-up of the man, mouth open, making one more appeal.
Man: "HE ALSO ATE YOUR LEFTOVER PIZZA!"
Man: "YOU CAN'T DUMP ME! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I WASN'T ALWAYS THIS WAY..."
Panel 2: The man in profile, against a dark background.
Man: "THREE YEARS AGO, UNDER A FULL MOON, I WAS BITTEN."
Panel 3: The red-haired woman's shoulder in the foreground; the man gestures.
Man: "I WAS BITTEN BY A GUY WHO PLAYED VIDEO GAMES SIXTEEN HOURS A DAY AND HAD NO INTEREST IN EMPLOYMENT."
Panel 4: The man, looking distressed.
Man: "AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY... I AM BECOMING HIM."
Panel 5: Close-up of the man's anguished face.
Man: "YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME! I'M POWERLESS AGAINST AN EVIL FORCE!"
Panel 6: The red-haired woman (in a yellow shirt) faces the man, unimpressed.
Woman: "I DIDN'T THINK YOUR EXCUSES COULD GET ANY DUMBER."
Man: "THE GUY WHO BIT ME ALSO NEEDED 50 BUCKS FROM YOU TO MAKE RENT THIS MONTH."
Votey:
Close-up of the man, mouth open, making one more appeal.
Man: "HE ALSO ATE YOUR LEFTOVER PIZZA!"
Alt text
A six-panel comic. A man in a tank top with dark curly hair desperately pleads with a red-haired woman who is dumping him. He insists, "You can't dump me! You don't understand. I wasn't always this way... Three years ago, under a full moon, I was bitten." In a werewolf-movie parody, he reveals the bite came from "a guy who played video games sixteen hours a day and had no interest in employment," and that "slowly but surely... I am becoming him." His face contorts in anguish: "You've got to help me! I'm powerless against an evil force!" The unimpressed woman replies, "I didn't think your excuses could get any dumber." He undercuts himself by adding the real reason this affects her: "The guy who bit me also needed 50 bucks from you to make rent this month." In the votey panel, a close-up of his pleading face delivers one final indignity: "He also ate your leftover pizza!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.