2013-01-07
Original: 2013-01-07 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man with blond flame-like hair: I SHOULD WARN YOU BEFORE WE HAVE SEX... I HAVE VERY POTENT SEED.
Panel 2:
Woman (dark hair): BUT YOU'RE WEARING A CONDOM, AND I'M ON BIRTH CONTROL.
Blond man (clutching his head): IT DOESN'T MATTER!
Panel 3:
Blond man: MY SPERM WILL FIND THE WEAKEST POINT IN THE LATEX STRUCTURE AND DRILL A PATH THROUGH. ONCE FREE, THEY WILL MAKE THEIR WAY TO YOUR UTERUS AND LOCATE AS MANY OVA AS THEY CAN.
Panel 4:
Woman: WELL... CAN YOU JUST... NOT FINISH?
Blond man: THAT IS OF NO CONSEQUENCE.
Panel 5:
Blond man: THEY'VE PROBABLY ALREADY MADE A PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE ON YOUR VAGINA. THEIR SPIES ARE EVERYWHERE.
Panel 6:
Blond man (looking alarmed): IF YOU HAVE A ROOMMATE TELL HER TO STAY AWAY! WE'VE LOST THE BATTLE BUT SHE CAN BE SPARED!
Panel 7:
Woman: ARE YOU HAVING POTENCY PROBLEMS AND DEALING WITH THEM VIA AN ELABORATE FANTASY OF SEXUAL SUPERPOWERS?
Blond man (backing away with arms raised): I MUST LEAVE TO PROTECT YOU!
Votey:
The blond man, now drawn in a loose black-and-white sketch, runs out a doorway shouting: EVERYONE LOOK OUT FOR MY SPERM!
Man with blond flame-like hair: I SHOULD WARN YOU BEFORE WE HAVE SEX... I HAVE VERY POTENT SEED.
Panel 2:
Woman (dark hair): BUT YOU'RE WEARING A CONDOM, AND I'M ON BIRTH CONTROL.
Blond man (clutching his head): IT DOESN'T MATTER!
Panel 3:
Blond man: MY SPERM WILL FIND THE WEAKEST POINT IN THE LATEX STRUCTURE AND DRILL A PATH THROUGH. ONCE FREE, THEY WILL MAKE THEIR WAY TO YOUR UTERUS AND LOCATE AS MANY OVA AS THEY CAN.
Panel 4:
Woman: WELL... CAN YOU JUST... NOT FINISH?
Blond man: THAT IS OF NO CONSEQUENCE.
Panel 5:
Blond man: THEY'VE PROBABLY ALREADY MADE A PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE ON YOUR VAGINA. THEIR SPIES ARE EVERYWHERE.
Panel 6:
Blond man (looking alarmed): IF YOU HAVE A ROOMMATE TELL HER TO STAY AWAY! WE'VE LOST THE BATTLE BUT SHE CAN BE SPARED!
Panel 7:
Woman: ARE YOU HAVING POTENCY PROBLEMS AND DEALING WITH THEM VIA AN ELABORATE FANTASY OF SEXUAL SUPERPOWERS?
Blond man (backing away with arms raised): I MUST LEAVE TO PROTECT YOU!
Votey:
The blond man, now drawn in a loose black-and-white sketch, runs out a doorway shouting: EVERYONE LOOK OUT FOR MY SPERM!
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A blond, flame-haired naked man warns a dark-haired woman in bed that he has 'very potent seed.' She points out he's wearing a condom and she's on birth control; he clutches his head and insists 'It doesn't matter!' He explains, with mounting paranoia, that his sperm will drill through the latex, reach her uterus, and that ejaculating or not is 'of no consequence' because they've already made a 'pre-emptive strike' and 'their spies are everywhere.' He frantically warns that if she has a roommate, the roommate should stay away to be 'spared.' The woman calmly asks if he's actually having potency problems and coping via an elaborate fantasy of sexual superpowers. Stricken, he backs away with arms raised crying 'I must leave to protect you!' The joke: his grandiose sperm-as-unstoppable-army fantasy is really overcompensation for impotence. Votey: in a rough black-and-white sketch, the man runs out a doorway shouting 'EVERYONE LOOK OUT FOR MY SPERM!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.