2012-08-21
Original: 2012-08-21 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (red caption banner): If you have a self-consistent view, you're going to have problems.
Three people argue at a rally.
Man with orange hair: This is the free rally! All free choice should be protected!
Gray-bearded man: Protected by what? Laws?! I don't recognize laws!
Woman with ponytail: Collectivists! I don't recognize the concept of recognition.
Panel 2 (red caption banner): In a self-consistent framework, you have infinite regression problems.
Three more people argue.
Gray-haired woman: I serve the proletariat by writing pamphlets!
Blonde woman: The pamphlets are produced by the owners of the means of production. Reduce your reliance on them!
Man in vest: Kulaks! I don't even eat. The pressure waves in my mouth as I sing the Internationale are enough!
Panel 3 (red caption banner): If you want your group to hold together, you need an ideology that doesn't make any sense.
A man at a podium: I am a Floobicratican! We stand for more freedom unless it's not a freedom we like, in which case we refer to its restriction as patriotism.
Panel 4 (red caption banner): Once you have a nonsensical platform, the group members can define the group however they want. Goals may change. The organization persists.
A Black woman at a podium: I am a proud Floobicratican because my parents were and their parents were, and their parents were. And I stand for whatever they would have stood for if they were born when I was.
Panel 5:
Woman with orange hair: But I believe an organization ought to stand for something.
Bald man with glasses: That's like believing in evolution and thinking a cow stands for something.
Panel 6:
Bald man with glasses: Cows exist to make more cows. Cows that deviate from that goal are culled from the gene pool.
Panel 7:
Bald man with glasses: But hey, good luck with your list of specifically stated policies. I hope your campaigning goes as well as mine.
Panel 8 (red caption banner): And so...
The orange-haired woman looks unhappy. In an inset, she sits at a podium and speaks.
Orange-haired woman: Thanks, Mom, for coming to my rally. If we can get Dad, the audience will double! Now, I'd like to talk about H1-B visa statistics, and—HEY STAY IN YOUR SEAT.
Panel 9:
The bald man stands triumphantly at a podium before a large cheering crowd, arms raised.
Bald man (left speech bubble): More betterness!
Bald man (right speech bubble): Less worseness!
Votey: Close-up of the bald man, mouth open, shouting: MORE LESS WORSENESS! NOW!
Three people argue at a rally.
Man with orange hair: This is the free rally! All free choice should be protected!
Gray-bearded man: Protected by what? Laws?! I don't recognize laws!
Woman with ponytail: Collectivists! I don't recognize the concept of recognition.
Panel 2 (red caption banner): In a self-consistent framework, you have infinite regression problems.
Three more people argue.
Gray-haired woman: I serve the proletariat by writing pamphlets!
Blonde woman: The pamphlets are produced by the owners of the means of production. Reduce your reliance on them!
Man in vest: Kulaks! I don't even eat. The pressure waves in my mouth as I sing the Internationale are enough!
Panel 3 (red caption banner): If you want your group to hold together, you need an ideology that doesn't make any sense.
A man at a podium: I am a Floobicratican! We stand for more freedom unless it's not a freedom we like, in which case we refer to its restriction as patriotism.
Panel 4 (red caption banner): Once you have a nonsensical platform, the group members can define the group however they want. Goals may change. The organization persists.
A Black woman at a podium: I am a proud Floobicratican because my parents were and their parents were, and their parents were. And I stand for whatever they would have stood for if they were born when I was.
Panel 5:
Woman with orange hair: But I believe an organization ought to stand for something.
Bald man with glasses: That's like believing in evolution and thinking a cow stands for something.
Panel 6:
Bald man with glasses: Cows exist to make more cows. Cows that deviate from that goal are culled from the gene pool.
Panel 7:
Bald man with glasses: But hey, good luck with your list of specifically stated policies. I hope your campaigning goes as well as mine.
Panel 8 (red caption banner): And so...
The orange-haired woman looks unhappy. In an inset, she sits at a podium and speaks.
Orange-haired woman: Thanks, Mom, for coming to my rally. If we can get Dad, the audience will double! Now, I'd like to talk about H1-B visa statistics, and—HEY STAY IN YOUR SEAT.
Panel 9:
The bald man stands triumphantly at a podium before a large cheering crowd, arms raised.
Bald man (left speech bubble): More betterness!
Bald man (right speech bubble): Less worseness!
Votey: Close-up of the bald man, mouth open, shouting: MORE LESS WORSENESS! NOW!
Alt text
An SMBC comic in nine panels, each topped with a red caption banner stating a lesson about political ideology. Panel 1, "If you have a self-consistent view, you're going to have problems": three people argue at a rally—one insists all free choice should be protected, another refuses to recognize laws, a third refuses to recognize the concept of recognition. Panel 2, "In a self-consistent framework, you have infinite regression problems": three leftists argue, one claiming the pressure waves in his mouth as he sings the Internationale are enough sustenance. Panel 3, "If you want your group to hold together, you need an ideology that doesn't make any sense": a man at a podium declares he is a "Floobicratican" who stands for more freedom unless it's a freedom he dislikes, which he calls restricting as patriotism. Panel 4, "Once you have a nonsensical platform, the group members can define the group however they want. Goals may change. The organization persists": a Black woman at a podium says she's a proud Floobicratican because generations of her family were, and she stands for whatever they would have stood for. In the next panels a bald man with glasses argues with an orange-haired woman: when she says an organization ought to stand for something, he compares it to thinking a cow stands for something, then explains cows exist only to make more cows and deviants are culled. He wishes her luck with her list of specific policies, implying his vague platform will win. "And so...": the orange-haired woman, now glum, sits at her own podium thanking her mom for coming and snapping "HEY STAY IN YOUR SEAT." Final panel: the bald man stands triumphant before a huge cheering crowd, arms raised, shouting "More betterness!" and "Less worseness!" Votey: a close-up of the bald man mid-shout yelling "MORE LESS WORSENESS! NOW!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.