2012-06-25
Original: 2012-06-25 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Mother (to two children, with father standing beside her): KIDS... I'M AFRAID DADDY... WON'T BE WITH US FOR MUCH LONGER...
Panel 2:
Mother: ABOUT A YEAR AGO, WE HAD HIM GENO-TYPED, AND... IT TURNED OUT HE HAS A 70% CHANCE OF LEAVING HIS FAMILY BETWEEN THE AGES OF 35 AND 40.
Panel 3:
Mother: TODAY... *sniff* ... TODAY HE SAW A 23 YEAR OLD GIRL IN A LOW CUT SHIRT DRIVING A VINTAGE CAR THAT REMINDED HIM OF WHAT HE IMAGINES HIS YOUTH WAS LIKE.
Panel 4:
Mother: WE RUSHED HIM TO A BEHAVIORAL GENETICIST AND... AND... *sniff*
Panel 5 (the mother covers her face, the bald father comforts her with a hand on her shoulder; no dialogue).
Panel 6:
Mother (to the children, the father standing with her): HE SAID I MAY HAVE AS LONG AS A YEAR OR AS SHORT AS... ONE WEEK. BUT, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT AS LONG AS I'M STILL AROUND, I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU. I'LL STILL BE... I'LL...
Panel 7:
Mother (off-panel, leaning in): ARE YOU OKAY?
Panel 8:
Father: I DUNNO. I JUST FELT THIS ODD... LIGHTNESS IN MY STOMACH. I... I... OH NO... AAGH!!
Banner: SOON...
Panel 9 (in a red convertible):
Father (arm raised out the window): WOOH!
(A blonde young woman in sunglasses and a low-cut top drives the car.)
Panel 10:
A child: YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT HOW GENETICS WORKS, RIGHT?
The mother: YES, BUT DADDY DOESN'T.
Votey:
Woman: YOU'VE ALREADY PLANNED YOUR MIDLIFE CRISIS, HAVEN'T YOU?
Man: ONE OF THEM, YES.
Mother (to two children, with father standing beside her): KIDS... I'M AFRAID DADDY... WON'T BE WITH US FOR MUCH LONGER...
Panel 2:
Mother: ABOUT A YEAR AGO, WE HAD HIM GENO-TYPED, AND... IT TURNED OUT HE HAS A 70% CHANCE OF LEAVING HIS FAMILY BETWEEN THE AGES OF 35 AND 40.
Panel 3:
Mother: TODAY... *sniff* ... TODAY HE SAW A 23 YEAR OLD GIRL IN A LOW CUT SHIRT DRIVING A VINTAGE CAR THAT REMINDED HIM OF WHAT HE IMAGINES HIS YOUTH WAS LIKE.
Panel 4:
Mother: WE RUSHED HIM TO A BEHAVIORAL GENETICIST AND... AND... *sniff*
Panel 5 (the mother covers her face, the bald father comforts her with a hand on her shoulder; no dialogue).
Panel 6:
Mother (to the children, the father standing with her): HE SAID I MAY HAVE AS LONG AS A YEAR OR AS SHORT AS... ONE WEEK. BUT, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT AS LONG AS I'M STILL AROUND, I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU. I'LL STILL BE... I'LL...
Panel 7:
Mother (off-panel, leaning in): ARE YOU OKAY?
Panel 8:
Father: I DUNNO. I JUST FELT THIS ODD... LIGHTNESS IN MY STOMACH. I... I... OH NO... AAGH!!
Banner: SOON...
Panel 9 (in a red convertible):
Father (arm raised out the window): WOOH!
(A blonde young woman in sunglasses and a low-cut top drives the car.)
Panel 10:
A child: YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT HOW GENETICS WORKS, RIGHT?
The mother: YES, BUT DADDY DOESN'T.
Votey:
Woman: YOU'VE ALREADY PLANNED YOUR MIDLIFE CRISIS, HAVEN'T YOU?
Man: ONE OF THEM, YES.
Alt text
A color SMBC comic that frames a midlife crisis as a fatal genetic illness. A mother gently tells her two young children, with their bald father standing beside her, that Daddy won't be with them much longer. She explains that about a year ago they had him genotyped and found he has a 70% chance of "leaving his family" between the ages of 35 and 40. Sniffling, she says that today he saw a 23-year-old girl in a low-cut shirt driving a vintage car that reminded him of his imagined youth, so they rushed him to a behavioral geneticist. She breaks down crying while the father comforts her, then relays the prognosis: he may have as long as a year or as short as one week, but he wants the kids to know he'll be there for them as long as he's around. The father suddenly feels an "odd lightness" in his stomach and cries out in alarm. A "SOON..." banner cuts to him whooping with his arm out the window of a red convertible driven by a blonde young woman in sunglasses. A child asks the mother, "You know that's not how genetics works, right?" and she replies, "Yes, but Daddy doesn't." In the black-and-white votey panel, a woman asks a man, "You've already planned your midlife crisis, haven't you?" and he answers, "One of them, yes."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.