2012-07-02
Original: 2012-07-02 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: Two soldiers in green fatigues kneel in a snowy landscape, each wounded and clutching his chest. One (a man with a chest wound) and the other (a bald man with a bleeding head wound) look up, startled.
Soldier: WHAT THE—
Panel 2: A bearded figure stands behind a podium, addressing the two soldiers.
Figure at podium: Each of you killed the other at the same time. Which of you was on the just side of the war?
Panel 3: The two soldiers argue.
Wounded soldier: MY SIDE! We were fighting them because their form of economy is not as market-oriented as ours, according to some metrics!
Bald soldier: We were fighting them because the use of their navy in relative proximity to our borders may have indicated that a larger ally of theirs was establishing hegemony over our octant of the globe!
Panel 4:
Wounded soldier: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Bald soldier: NEVER!
Panel 5: A figure (in profile, off-panel) interjects.
Figure: So... from an ethical standpoint—
Bald soldier: His military is sabre-rattling as an inducement to globalization at an accelerated pace!
Panel 6:
Bald soldier: His elected government is tacitly ignoring certain parameters of the Washington Consensus!
Wounded soldier: SO'S YOUR MOM!
Panel 7: The two soldiers grapple and fight at the podium while the bearded official looks on.
Panel 8 (caption: LATER...): A close-up of the bearded figure (God), looking weary.
Panel 9: The bearded figure stands in the snowy landscape, speaking to a glowing yellow oval (God / a divine presence).
Bearded figure: God? ...Is there such a thing as a just war?
Glowing oval: A WHAT WAR?
Votey:
Glowing oval (God): OH, DID YOU SAY "JUST A WAR"? YEAH, THERE'S LOTS OF THOSE.
Soldier: WHAT THE—
Panel 2: A bearded figure stands behind a podium, addressing the two soldiers.
Figure at podium: Each of you killed the other at the same time. Which of you was on the just side of the war?
Panel 3: The two soldiers argue.
Wounded soldier: MY SIDE! We were fighting them because their form of economy is not as market-oriented as ours, according to some metrics!
Bald soldier: We were fighting them because the use of their navy in relative proximity to our borders may have indicated that a larger ally of theirs was establishing hegemony over our octant of the globe!
Panel 4:
Wounded soldier: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Bald soldier: NEVER!
Panel 5: A figure (in profile, off-panel) interjects.
Figure: So... from an ethical standpoint—
Bald soldier: His military is sabre-rattling as an inducement to globalization at an accelerated pace!
Panel 6:
Bald soldier: His elected government is tacitly ignoring certain parameters of the Washington Consensus!
Wounded soldier: SO'S YOUR MOM!
Panel 7: The two soldiers grapple and fight at the podium while the bearded official looks on.
Panel 8 (caption: LATER...): A close-up of the bearded figure (God), looking weary.
Panel 9: The bearded figure stands in the snowy landscape, speaking to a glowing yellow oval (God / a divine presence).
Bearded figure: God? ...Is there such a thing as a just war?
Glowing oval: A WHAT WAR?
Votey:
Glowing oval (God): OH, DID YOU SAY "JUST A WAR"? YEAH, THERE'S LOTS OF THOSE.
Alt text
A tall comic in a snowy battlefield. Two soldiers in green fatigues kneel, each mortally wounded — one bleeding from the chest, the other (bald) from the head — and exclaim "What the—". A bearded figure at a podium tells them each killed the other simultaneously and asks which was on the just side of the war. The two soldiers launch into competing, jargon-heavy geopolitical justifications (one cites their enemy's economy not being market-oriented "according to some metrics," the other cites naval proximity, hegemony over "our octant of the globe," sabre-rattling, globalization, and the "Washington Consensus"). They escalate to "You take that back!" / "Never!" and finally "So's your mom!", then physically brawl at the podium. After a "LATER..." caption, the weary bearded figure (God) stands in the snow and asks a glowing yellow oval, "God? Is there such a thing as a just war?" The oval replies, "A WHAT WAR?" Votey: the glowing oval says, "Oh, did you say 'just a war'? Yeah, there's lots of those" — the punchline hinging on "just war" (morally justified) versus "just a war" (merely a war), implying justified wars don't exist but plain wars are plentiful.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.