2012-04-18
Original: 2012-04-18 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (narration banner): In the near future, we will master developmental biology.
Man: That's it! We've got it mapped from 12 to 25 years old!
Panel 2 (narration banner): The men of the future will demand their children have strengths they lacked.
Man: 30 inch dick.
Doctor/scientist: Do you want to balance anything else? Bone power, ears, age, uselessness?
Man: 30 inch dick.
Panel 3 (narration banner): This will lead to a generation of strife.
Woman: What the hell do I do with this?
Panel 4 (narration banner): An arms race will develop.
Man: 30 inch vagina.
Woman: She could also be a great athlete or musician or--
Man: 40 inch vagina.
Panel 5 (narration banner): That arms race will escalate.
(A couple in a dim room, no dialogue shown.)
Panel 6 (narration banner): Developmental science will be strained to its limits.
Person: 50!
Other person: 60!
Third person: A thousand?!
Panel 7 (narration banner): Humanity will become nothing but massive, dangling genitals.
Panel 8: This panel censored.
Panel 9 (narration banner): Unable to operate the scientific machinery without opposable thumbs, they will birth a new generation without any modifications.
Figure: Mount Rushmore (label, censored area)
Panel 10 (narration banner): They will be the unhappiest people who ever lived.
Child: I don't want to do it for fun! I like to collect stamps!
Other character: But I gave you a 40 inch dong! An anime-style erection as well as you! Gotcha gotcha!
Votey: With apologies to:
- Parents
- Mount Rushmore
- People with feelings
Man: That's it! We've got it mapped from 12 to 25 years old!
Panel 2 (narration banner): The men of the future will demand their children have strengths they lacked.
Man: 30 inch dick.
Doctor/scientist: Do you want to balance anything else? Bone power, ears, age, uselessness?
Man: 30 inch dick.
Panel 3 (narration banner): This will lead to a generation of strife.
Woman: What the hell do I do with this?
Panel 4 (narration banner): An arms race will develop.
Man: 30 inch vagina.
Woman: She could also be a great athlete or musician or--
Man: 40 inch vagina.
Panel 5 (narration banner): That arms race will escalate.
(A couple in a dim room, no dialogue shown.)
Panel 6 (narration banner): Developmental science will be strained to its limits.
Person: 50!
Other person: 60!
Third person: A thousand?!
Panel 7 (narration banner): Humanity will become nothing but massive, dangling genitals.
Panel 8: This panel censored.
Panel 9 (narration banner): Unable to operate the scientific machinery without opposable thumbs, they will birth a new generation without any modifications.
Figure: Mount Rushmore (label, censored area)
Panel 10 (narration banner): They will be the unhappiest people who ever lived.
Child: I don't want to do it for fun! I like to collect stamps!
Other character: But I gave you a 40 inch dong! An anime-style erection as well as you! Gotcha gotcha!
Votey: With apologies to:
- Parents
- Mount Rushmore
- People with feelings
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic narrating a dark-future scenario in orange caption banners above each panel. Panel 1: a man at a screen announces humanity has mastered developmental biology, mapping people from age 12 to 25. Panel 2: a father at a clinic insists repeatedly on a "30 inch dick" for his child while a doctor offers to balance other traits. Panel 3: caption says this leads to a generation of strife; a woman looks down dismayed asking what to do with this. Panel 4: an arms race develops, with a father demanding a "30 inch vagina," then escalating to 40, ignoring the option for athletic or musical talent. Panel 5: the arms race escalates, shown as a dim domestic scene. Panel 6: developmental science is strained as voices shout escalating numbers, ending in "A thousand?!" Panel 7: caption states humanity becomes nothing but massive dangling genitals. Panel 8: a fully censored panel reading "This panel censored." Panel 9: unable to operate machinery without opposable thumbs, they birth an unmodified new generation; the image is partly censored with a "Mount Rushmore" reference. Panel 10: caption says these will be the unhappiest people who ever lived; a modified child complains they would rather collect stamps than use their grotesque enhancements. The votey is a hand-drawn note reading "With apologies to: Parents, Mount Rushmore, People with feelings."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.