2012-04-14
Original: 2012-04-14 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A bald man addresses an unseen God.
Man: "And the man said, 'God, today was terrible. Why did you let me sleep through my alarm? Why did you give my wife pneumonia? Why did you make my car break down?'"
Panel 2:
Man (relating God's reply): "And God replied, 'If you hadn't slept an extra hour, you'd have got your wife's pneumonia. Then I'd have silenced your alarm.'"
Panel 3:
Man: "'If your wife hadn't gotten pneumonia, you wouldn't have taken care of her, reminding your love, thereby preventing a divorce six months later. So I made her sick.'"
Panel 4:
Man: "'If your car hadn't broken down, a block up the street, a drunk driver would have hit you. So I broke your car.'"
Panel 5: A worried-looking man and a woman appear.
Worried man: "Wait. Why did God put the drunk driver there in the first place."
Panel 6: The bald man stands alone, gesturing.
Panel 7: The bald man is shown again, hands raised.
Panel 8: A scene fills with billowing smoke/clouds, the bald figure barely visible within it.
Panel 9: The smoke continues, dense and obscuring.
Panel 10: The worried man and the woman peer out from behind the smoke.
Worried man: "See, this is why people hate Sunday school."
Votey: A close-up of the worried man's face.
Worried man: "This and Veggie Tales."
Man: "And the man said, 'God, today was terrible. Why did you let me sleep through my alarm? Why did you give my wife pneumonia? Why did you make my car break down?'"
Panel 2:
Man (relating God's reply): "And God replied, 'If you hadn't slept an extra hour, you'd have got your wife's pneumonia. Then I'd have silenced your alarm.'"
Panel 3:
Man: "'If your wife hadn't gotten pneumonia, you wouldn't have taken care of her, reminding your love, thereby preventing a divorce six months later. So I made her sick.'"
Panel 4:
Man: "'If your car hadn't broken down, a block up the street, a drunk driver would have hit you. So I broke your car.'"
Panel 5: A worried-looking man and a woman appear.
Worried man: "Wait. Why did God put the drunk driver there in the first place."
Panel 6: The bald man stands alone, gesturing.
Panel 7: The bald man is shown again, hands raised.
Panel 8: A scene fills with billowing smoke/clouds, the bald figure barely visible within it.
Panel 9: The smoke continues, dense and obscuring.
Panel 10: The worried man and the woman peer out from behind the smoke.
Worried man: "See, this is why people hate Sunday school."
Votey: A close-up of the worried man's face.
Worried man: "This and Veggie Tales."
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic. A bald man recounts a story in which a man complains to God about a terrible day: sleeping through his alarm, his wife getting pneumonia, and his car breaking down. God explains each misfortune was protective: the extra sleep saved him from catching the pneumonia; the wife's illness made him care for her and prevented a future divorce; the car breaking down a block away saved him from being hit by a drunk driver. A worried-looking man interrupts, asking why God put the drunk driver there in the first place. The bald storyteller stands gesturing, then the panels fill with thick billowing smoke obscuring everything, as if his explanation collapses into incoherence. From behind the smoke, the worried man and a woman peer out, and the man says, "See, this is why people hate Sunday school." Votey (bonus panel): a close-up of the same worried man finishing his thought: "This and Veggie Tales."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.