2012-04-28

The comic is an alien narrating to another alien, describing humans.

Alien narrator: The humans consider vegetable life to be their most sacred enemy.

[A man hands flowers to a woman.]
Alien narrator: So they cut off plant reproductive organs as mating gifts.

[A woman arranges flowers in a vase on a counter.]
Alien narrator: The females, if they are pleased, will place these plant genitalia in water so as to draw off the male's mucus in order to feed on the corpse.

[A woman with a flower in her hair.]
Alien narrator: Sometimes the females adorn their bodies with the mutilated organs.

[A worried-looking man.]
Alien narrator: This is so important to the culture, an entire industry has developed around breeding, decapitating, and well-endowing plants.
Text/sign: "So big and red and fragrant!"

[Hands exchanging a flower.]
Alien narrator: In human pair-bonding ceremonies, they cover the area in plant genitalia and the husband-female throws bunches of them to unbonded females, hoping her hate is vegetable. She can spread the wealth.

[A bride/female speaks while holding a bouquet.]
Alien narrator: The males commemorate that day verily with even larger, sweeter genitalia.
Male: They're just as fresh and sweet as you!
Female: Aww.

[A pile/mound of flowers shaped like a coffin or grave.]
Alien narrator: After they pass reproductive age, the human females remember their murderous past with luggage decorated with plant genital images.

Alien narrator: And when they die, the humans are buried under a mound of vegetal genitalia heaped on a box of glued flowers.

[Two aliens stand talking.]
Alien narrator: Yep. The most violent humans in history.
Other alien: My god. What are wuppies?

Votey:
[Two aliens in a single panel.]
Alien: What are "vegans"?
Other alien: Mono-maniacs.