2012-03-23
Original: 2012-03-23 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (single panel):
A hand-drawn line graph.
Y-axis label: PENIS VOLUME OF TYPICAL INDIVIDUAL
Y-axis gridlines: max- (top), min- (bottom)
X-axis label: TIME OF DAY
X-axis tick labels (left to right): 12AM, WAKE, 12PM, END OF WORK, 12AM
The curve: starts at max overnight, drops sharply to min around WAKE, oscillates in a series of small spikes through the middle of the day (between WAKE and END OF WORK), then rises sharply back toward max after END OF WORK, with a brief dip before returning to max around the second 12AM.
Text below the graph:
AVERAGE FLACCID VOLUME: 72 cm³
AVERAGE ERECT VOLUME: 175 cm³
HUMAN MALES IN NORTH AMERICA: 228,000,000
FACT:
EVERY NIGHT, WHILE YOU SLEEP, 23.5 BILLION CUBIC CENTIMETERS OF PENIS APPEAR
Votey:
BONUS: WHAT IS THE GRAVITATIONAL FORCE OF THE ADDITIONAL WANG-VOLUME ON THE MOON.
A hand-drawn line graph.
Y-axis label: PENIS VOLUME OF TYPICAL INDIVIDUAL
Y-axis gridlines: max- (top), min- (bottom)
X-axis label: TIME OF DAY
X-axis tick labels (left to right): 12AM, WAKE, 12PM, END OF WORK, 12AM
The curve: starts at max overnight, drops sharply to min around WAKE, oscillates in a series of small spikes through the middle of the day (between WAKE and END OF WORK), then rises sharply back toward max after END OF WORK, with a brief dip before returning to max around the second 12AM.
Text below the graph:
AVERAGE FLACCID VOLUME: 72 cm³
AVERAGE ERECT VOLUME: 175 cm³
HUMAN MALES IN NORTH AMERICA: 228,000,000
FACT:
EVERY NIGHT, WHILE YOU SLEEP, 23.5 BILLION CUBIC CENTIMETERS OF PENIS APPEAR
Votey:
BONUS: WHAT IS THE GRAVITATIONAL FORCE OF THE ADDITIONAL WANG-VOLUME ON THE MOON.
Alt text
A hand-drawn line graph titled (via the y-axis label) "PENIS VOLUME OF TYPICAL INDIVIDUAL," running from minimum to maximum, plotted against "TIME OF DAY" on the x-axis with marks at 12AM, WAKE, 12PM, END OF WORK, and 12AM. The curve sits at maximum overnight, plunges to minimum at WAKE, wiggles in small spikes through the workday, then climbs sharply back to maximum after END OF WORK. Below, hand-lettered text reads: "AVERAGE FLACCID VOLUME: 72 cm³. AVERAGE ERECT VOLUME: 175 cm³. HUMAN MALES IN NORTH AMERICA: 228,000,000." Then a heading "FACT:" followed by "EVERY NIGHT, WHILE YOU SLEEP, 23.5 BILLION CUBIC CENTIMETERS OF PENIS APPEAR." The joke is a deadpan pseudo-scientific calculation of the aggregate volume of nightly erections across the male population. The votey (bonus panel) adds, in a boxed note: "BONUS: WHAT IS THE GRAVITATIONAL FORCE OF THE ADDITIONAL WANG-VOLUME ON THE MOON," extending the absurd math to its gravitational implications.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.