2012-03-10
Original: 2012-03-10 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Young woman in a red dress: Hello, professor. What can I do for you?
Panel 2:
Young woman: Oh, I was thinking about it. I could do for you if you'd change my grade.
Professor (older bald man): *sigh*
Panel 3:
Professor: Young lady, I have been married to the same woman for fifty years.
Young woman: Do you have any idea what it takes to keep a redshirt interesting for sixty years?
Panel 4:
Professor: I have done things, young woman, things so unholy and bizarre that to make you comprehend would shake your entire concept of what it is to use the human body in this entire college career.
Panel 5:
Professor: Before my eyes, everything fair has been made foul, and everything foul made fair. The wicked has been turned good and the good turned wicked and now... now... the distinction seems dark and comic.
Panel 6:
Professor: The sacred has been profaned and resanctified only to be desecrated again and again and again and again.
Panel 7:
Professor: Nothing you could do to me now would even register even as pleasure or pain.
Panel 8:
The professor sits alone, head bowed.
Panel 9:
The young woman (now at left) and the professor.
Young woman: Maybe I'll just study harder.
Professor: Good.
Votey:
Caption: LATER
A man in profile (with a goatee): Honey, I'm feeling amorous.
A woman: I'll get the waffle iron.
Young woman in a red dress: Hello, professor. What can I do for you?
Panel 2:
Young woman: Oh, I was thinking about it. I could do for you if you'd change my grade.
Professor (older bald man): *sigh*
Panel 3:
Professor: Young lady, I have been married to the same woman for fifty years.
Young woman: Do you have any idea what it takes to keep a redshirt interesting for sixty years?
Panel 4:
Professor: I have done things, young woman, things so unholy and bizarre that to make you comprehend would shake your entire concept of what it is to use the human body in this entire college career.
Panel 5:
Professor: Before my eyes, everything fair has been made foul, and everything foul made fair. The wicked has been turned good and the good turned wicked and now... now... the distinction seems dark and comic.
Panel 6:
Professor: The sacred has been profaned and resanctified only to be desecrated again and again and again and again.
Panel 7:
Professor: Nothing you could do to me now would even register even as pleasure or pain.
Panel 8:
The professor sits alone, head bowed.
Panel 9:
The young woman (now at left) and the professor.
Young woman: Maybe I'll just study harder.
Professor: Good.
Votey:
Caption: LATER
A man in profile (with a goatee): Honey, I'm feeling amorous.
A woman: I'll get the waffle iron.
Alt text
A tall, mostly dark-toned comic in a college office. A young woman in a low-cut red dress leans toward a balding, bespectacled professor at his desk. She offers to 'do for' him in exchange for changing her grade; he sighs. He replies that he has been married to the same woman for fifty years. She counters: 'Do you have any idea what it takes to keep a redshirt interesting for sixty years?' The professor then delivers a long, grandiose, world-weary monologue across several close-up panels of his lined face: he has done things so unholy and bizarre they would shake her concept of using the human body; before his eyes everything fair has been made foul and foul made fair, the wicked turned good and good turned wicked until the distinction seems 'dark and comic'; the sacred has been profaned, resanctified, and desecrated 'again and again and again'; and now nothing she could do would register even as pleasure or pain. In the final panels the woman gives up the seduction and says 'Maybe I'll just study harder,' and the professor simply answers 'Good.' Below, a bonus panel labeled LATER shows the professor in profile telling a woman 'Honey, I'm feeling amorous,' to which she deadpans, 'I'll get the waffle iron' — implying their long-married sex life involves bizarre, jaded rituals.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.