2011-11-04
Original: 2011-11-04 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (at computer): According to my online prediction market, there's an 11% chance we'll have sex tonight!
Panel 2:
Woman: What? You have a prediction market for our sex life?
Man: Oh yeah. Shares are up 300% since yesterday.
Panel 3:
Woman: How do they analyze it?
Man: Oh, lots of stuff. Past sex rate, most recent sex act, your internet browsing habits, your hormone profile.
Panel 4:
Woman: My hormone profile? How did they get that?
Man: Your DNA is in the prediction market.
Woman: WHAT?
Man: Yeah, it's weird. Some say that's insider trading, dude.
Panel 5:
Man: What... the shares just dropped 10% on news of your facial expression!
Woman: Facial expression. How do they analyze that?
Panel 6:
Man: Well, you gotta supply some data, otherwise how do you have a market? So I installed some cameras to--
Woman: OH MY GOD IT'S DOWN ANOTHER TEN POINTS!
Panel 7:
Woman: Quick, let's have sex while it's above 50%!
Man: FORGET IT. I'm going to a hotel.
Panel 8:
Man: NO! THIS COULD CAUSE A MARKET COLLAPSE!
Woman: It's down 80%, man!
Panel 9:
Man: This is going to ripple through the entire prediction system!
Panel 10:
Man: My penis is too big to fail!
Votey:
Thought bubble (over a bearded man resting his head on his hand): That last line would be a great epitaph.
Man (at computer): According to my online prediction market, there's an 11% chance we'll have sex tonight!
Panel 2:
Woman: What? You have a prediction market for our sex life?
Man: Oh yeah. Shares are up 300% since yesterday.
Panel 3:
Woman: How do they analyze it?
Man: Oh, lots of stuff. Past sex rate, most recent sex act, your internet browsing habits, your hormone profile.
Panel 4:
Woman: My hormone profile? How did they get that?
Man: Your DNA is in the prediction market.
Woman: WHAT?
Man: Yeah, it's weird. Some say that's insider trading, dude.
Panel 5:
Man: What... the shares just dropped 10% on news of your facial expression!
Woman: Facial expression. How do they analyze that?
Panel 6:
Man: Well, you gotta supply some data, otherwise how do you have a market? So I installed some cameras to--
Woman: OH MY GOD IT'S DOWN ANOTHER TEN POINTS!
Panel 7:
Woman: Quick, let's have sex while it's above 50%!
Man: FORGET IT. I'm going to a hotel.
Panel 8:
Man: NO! THIS COULD CAUSE A MARKET COLLAPSE!
Woman: It's down 80%, man!
Panel 9:
Man: This is going to ripple through the entire prediction system!
Panel 10:
Man: My penis is too big to fail!
Votey:
Thought bubble (over a bearded man resting his head on his hand): That last line would be a great epitaph.
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic. A man at a computer tells a woman that according to his online prediction market, there's an 11% chance they'll have sex tonight, and that shares are up 300% since yesterday. When she asks how it's analyzed, he lists past sex rate, recent sex acts, her internet browsing habits, and her hormone profile. She's alarmed her DNA is in the prediction market; he notes some call that insider trading. The shares drop 10% on news of her facial expression, which he tracks via cameras he secretly installed. She panics as it keeps dropping and suggests they have sex while it's above 50%; he refuses and says he's going to a hotel. The market crashes 80% as he frets it will ripple through the entire prediction system, then declares: "My penis is too big to fail!" Votey: a bearded man rests his head on his hand, thinking in a thought bubble, "That last line would be a great epitaph."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.