2011-11-07-2
Original: 2011-11-07-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Narrator: My mom was becoming a creepy cat lady.
Mom (holding a cat): I have so many babies!
Narrator: So I made her a device that said facts about cats whenever she was near.
Device: A group of cats is a "clowder."
Narrator: Later, I remotely adjusted the content to be less cute.
Device: I like to watch rodents beg for death.
Device: My penis is covered in spikes to seal off my mate's vagina after sex.
Device: If you die and nobody notices, I will eat your body.
Narrator: Now she's a dog person.
Narrator: For the moment...
Device: I can't tell your leg from a dog's vagina.
Votey:
Caption: If I could, I would poop directly into my own mouth
Mom (holding a cat): I have so many babies!
Narrator: So I made her a device that said facts about cats whenever she was near.
Device: A group of cats is a "clowder."
Narrator: Later, I remotely adjusted the content to be less cute.
Device: I like to watch rodents beg for death.
Device: My penis is covered in spikes to seal off my mate's vagina after sex.
Device: If you die and nobody notices, I will eat your body.
Narrator: Now she's a dog person.
Narrator: For the moment...
Device: I can't tell your leg from a dog's vagina.
Votey:
Caption: If I could, I would poop directly into my own mouth
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: A smiling gray-haired woman in glasses cuddles a cat; caption reads "My mom was becoming a creepy cat lady" and she says "I have so many babies!" Panel 2: The narrator (a red-haired man) explains he made her a device that states cat facts when she's near; the device says "A group of cats is a 'clowder.'" Panel 3: He explains he later adjusted the device to be less cute. The device, glowing yellow near a cat, says creepy true cat facts in sequence: "I like to watch rodents beg for death," "My penis is covered in spikes to seal off my mate's vagina after sex," and "If you die and nobody notices, I will eat your body." Caption: "Now she's a dog person" shows the woman happily petting a dog. Final caption "For the moment..." shows her looking uneasy as the device (now near the dog) says "I can't tell your leg from a dog's vagina." Votey (bonus panel): A black-and-white drawing of a dog contorting; handwritten caption reads "If I could, I would poop directly into my own mouth."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.