2011-10-30
Original: 2011-10-30 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Jesus (man with a halo and beard): GIVE ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO THE POOR!
Panel 2:
(A small crowd of people stands listening.)
Panel 3:
Caption: 5 YEARS LATER
Jesus: SO, HOW'D IT GO?
Panel 4:
A follower (bald man): WELL, WE GAVE GOLD AND OUR FOOD TO THE POOR. FOR FREE. THAT CAUSED THE FOOD, DOMESTIC AGRICULTURE, AND CHARITY INDUSTRY TO COLLAPSE.
Jesus: HUH.
Panel 5:
Follower: WE RAN OUT OF FOOD, SO WE GAVE THEIR OUR CLOTHES SO THEY WOULDN'T FREEZE IN WINTER.
Jesus: OKAY.
Panel 6:
Follower: THAT COLLAPSED THE POOR'S CLOTHING INDUSTRY.
Jesus: HUH.
Panel 7:
Follower: SO, NOW EVERYONE'S STARVING AND NAKED AND ACTUALLY... PROBABLY DYING EACH OTHER TO LIVE.
Panel 8:
Follower: SO...
Follower: WE WERE WRONG. YOU AND SOME MIRACULOUS WAY TO TRANSLATE GOOD INTENTIONS INTO GOOD RESULTS.
Panel 9:
Follower: I COULD MAKE SOME FREE FISH OR BREAD OR...
Jesus: NOPE. TRIED THAT. DON'T WORK. WE NEED SOMETHING MORE SUSTAINABLE.
Panel 10:
(Jesus stands with arms raised.)
Panel 11:
Text on a scroll: AND ... THE LORD SPAKE: "GIVE A MAN A FISH, AND YOU FEED HIM FOR A DAY. TEACH A MAN TO FISH, AND YOU APPRECIATE SUNK-COST VALUE."
Votey:
Thought balloon (a smiling person at a desk): I NEED MORE HATEMAIL...
Jesus (man with a halo and beard): GIVE ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO THE POOR!
Panel 2:
(A small crowd of people stands listening.)
Panel 3:
Caption: 5 YEARS LATER
Jesus: SO, HOW'D IT GO?
Panel 4:
A follower (bald man): WELL, WE GAVE GOLD AND OUR FOOD TO THE POOR. FOR FREE. THAT CAUSED THE FOOD, DOMESTIC AGRICULTURE, AND CHARITY INDUSTRY TO COLLAPSE.
Jesus: HUH.
Panel 5:
Follower: WE RAN OUT OF FOOD, SO WE GAVE THEIR OUR CLOTHES SO THEY WOULDN'T FREEZE IN WINTER.
Jesus: OKAY.
Panel 6:
Follower: THAT COLLAPSED THE POOR'S CLOTHING INDUSTRY.
Jesus: HUH.
Panel 7:
Follower: SO, NOW EVERYONE'S STARVING AND NAKED AND ACTUALLY... PROBABLY DYING EACH OTHER TO LIVE.
Panel 8:
Follower: SO...
Follower: WE WERE WRONG. YOU AND SOME MIRACULOUS WAY TO TRANSLATE GOOD INTENTIONS INTO GOOD RESULTS.
Panel 9:
Follower: I COULD MAKE SOME FREE FISH OR BREAD OR...
Jesus: NOPE. TRIED THAT. DON'T WORK. WE NEED SOMETHING MORE SUSTAINABLE.
Panel 10:
(Jesus stands with arms raised.)
Panel 11:
Text on a scroll: AND ... THE LORD SPAKE: "GIVE A MAN A FISH, AND YOU FEED HIM FOR A DAY. TEACH A MAN TO FISH, AND YOU APPRECIATE SUNK-COST VALUE."
Votey:
Thought balloon (a smiling person at a desk): I NEED MORE HATEMAIL...
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic featuring Jesus (a robed man with a halo and beard) preaching. He tells a crowd, "GIVE ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO THE POOR!" A caption reads "5 YEARS LATER," and Jesus asks a bald follower how it went. The follower reports a cascade of economic disasters: giving away gold and food for free collapsed the food, agriculture, and charity industries; giving away clothes collapsed the poor's clothing industry; now everyone is starving, naked, and dying. The follower concludes they were wrong and need a miraculous way to translate good intentions into good results. Jesus rejects making free fish or bread ("Tried that. Don't work. We need something more sustainable"), raises his arms, and a scroll proclaims: "And the Lord spake: 'Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you appreciate sunk-cost value.'" The joke skewers naive charity economics with corporate-speak gospel. Votey: a black-and-white sketch of a smiling person resting their chin on their hand at a desk, thinking, "I NEED MORE HATEMAIL..."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.