2011-09-21
Original: 2011-09-21 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): Economists noticed an interesting trend.
Narration: Gay couples tend to not have children, so they spend more money improving their local environment.
Panel 2 (caption): The path was clear.
Narration: If we can get each community to have a gay center, the standard of living will increase for everyone.
Panel 3 (caption): The unlikely possibility was turned into a political campaign.
A bald man in a suit (speaking at a podium): For too long, underserved communities have been left to languish in poverty. When I speak openly about the right to be gay, I am openly about the right to be gay. I am here to make sure that every American child has the right to be gay. So pay this saturday -- hood it pretty gay!
Panel 4 (caption): Soon it became an international value.
Narration: Only one in ten American children will grow up to be gay. We are being massively outvoted by Holland, Belgium, and the United Kingdom!
Panel 5 (caption): And the patriotic became the mandatory.
A man in a white coat / official: All boys and girls will receive a free hormone injection. Do it for your son and his successor. Uncle Sam.
Panel 6 (caption): Economists tried to reverse the tide.
A woman (economist): Mr. President, we have more data unraveling that work, and our people spend differently but not more!
The President: So... my plan... won't work...
Panel 7 (caption): He had hoped to change the world for the better.
Narration: According to our analysis, no gay nation has ever made war upon another gay nation.
Panel 8 (caption): But he had just given it one more reason to fight back.
Narration: This morning, Japan invaded San Francisco. Let there be no doubt as to their aim. May God have mercy on our gays.
Votey:
Caption: MEANWHILE, IN JAPAN
A bald man in military dress uniform with epaulettes: I fear we have awakened a gay giant.
Narration: Gay couples tend to not have children, so they spend more money improving their local environment.
Panel 2 (caption): The path was clear.
Narration: If we can get each community to have a gay center, the standard of living will increase for everyone.
Panel 3 (caption): The unlikely possibility was turned into a political campaign.
A bald man in a suit (speaking at a podium): For too long, underserved communities have been left to languish in poverty. When I speak openly about the right to be gay, I am openly about the right to be gay. I am here to make sure that every American child has the right to be gay. So pay this saturday -- hood it pretty gay!
Panel 4 (caption): Soon it became an international value.
Narration: Only one in ten American children will grow up to be gay. We are being massively outvoted by Holland, Belgium, and the United Kingdom!
Panel 5 (caption): And the patriotic became the mandatory.
A man in a white coat / official: All boys and girls will receive a free hormone injection. Do it for your son and his successor. Uncle Sam.
Panel 6 (caption): Economists tried to reverse the tide.
A woman (economist): Mr. President, we have more data unraveling that work, and our people spend differently but not more!
The President: So... my plan... won't work...
Panel 7 (caption): He had hoped to change the world for the better.
Narration: According to our analysis, no gay nation has ever made war upon another gay nation.
Panel 8 (caption): But he had just given it one more reason to fight back.
Narration: This morning, Japan invaded San Francisco. Let there be no doubt as to their aim. May God have mercy on our gays.
Votey:
Caption: MEANWHILE, IN JAPAN
A bald man in military dress uniform with epaulettes: I fear we have awakened a gay giant.
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic told as a series of captioned scenes about a satirical economic policy. Each panel has a black caption bar above it. Caption: "Economists noticed an interesting trend" -- a couple at a computer; text explains gay couples tend not to have children so they spend more improving their local environment. Caption: "The path was clear" -- the idea that giving each community a gay center would raise everyone's standard of living. Caption: "The unlikely possibility was turned into a political campaign" -- a bald man speaks at a podium, declaring every American child has the right to be gay. Caption: "Soon it became an international value" -- a worried woman notes only one in ten American children grow up gay, so the US is being outvoted by Holland, Belgium, and the United Kingdom. Caption: "And the patriotic became the mandatory" -- an official announces all children will receive a free hormone injection, invoking Uncle Sam. Caption: "Economists tried to reverse the tide" -- a woman tells the President new data shows his plan won't work; the President, shown in shadow, slumps and says his plan won't work. Caption: "He had hoped to change the world for the better" -- narration says no gay nation has ever made war on another gay nation. Caption: "But he had just given it one more reason to fight back" -- narration reports that Japan has invaded San Francisco, ending with "May God have mercy on our gays." Votey panel: a caption bar reads "MEANWHILE, IN JAPAN." A stern bald man in a military dress uniform with fringed epaulettes says, "I fear we have awakened a gay giant" -- a pun on the famous Pearl Harbor line about awakening a sleeping giant.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.