2011-09-18
Original: 2011-09-18 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (consulting the Oracle): Oh, Oracle! Should I cross the river and make war on Persia?
Panel 2:
The Oracle (a robed woman): If you cross that river ever, a great empire shall be destroyed.
Panel 3 (caption: SOON):
Man (now in armor and helmet, looking dismayed at a destroyed city): Ohhh! I get it. She meant MY empire. Cute.
Panel 4 (caption: LATER):
Man (in armor): Oh, Oracle. How long shall my reign last?
Panel 5:
The Oracle: Until a mule is king of the Medeans.
Panel 6:
Man: Ha! That's impossible! So she means I'll rule forever.
Panel 7 (caption: SOON):
Man (in armor, dismayed): Okay. 'Mule' referred to Cyrus, who is half Persian, half Greek. Clever.
Panel 8 (caption: LATER):
Man: Why can't you just give straight predictions?! Why is everything a mystery?!
Panel 9:
The Oracle: You will die this year. Your empire will fall forever, soon after. Ancient Greeks may mostly be remembered for pederasty.
Panel 10:
Man: Okay, go back to the old way.
Panel 11:
The Oracle: You shall be known for conquering many young warriors.
Panel 12:
Man: I'll take it!
Votey:
A bearded man (the cartoonist, drawing at a desk), laughing: Everybody likes Croesus jokes!
Man (consulting the Oracle): Oh, Oracle! Should I cross the river and make war on Persia?
Panel 2:
The Oracle (a robed woman): If you cross that river ever, a great empire shall be destroyed.
Panel 3 (caption: SOON):
Man (now in armor and helmet, looking dismayed at a destroyed city): Ohhh! I get it. She meant MY empire. Cute.
Panel 4 (caption: LATER):
Man (in armor): Oh, Oracle. How long shall my reign last?
Panel 5:
The Oracle: Until a mule is king of the Medeans.
Panel 6:
Man: Ha! That's impossible! So she means I'll rule forever.
Panel 7 (caption: SOON):
Man (in armor, dismayed): Okay. 'Mule' referred to Cyrus, who is half Persian, half Greek. Clever.
Panel 8 (caption: LATER):
Man: Why can't you just give straight predictions?! Why is everything a mystery?!
Panel 9:
The Oracle: You will die this year. Your empire will fall forever, soon after. Ancient Greeks may mostly be remembered for pederasty.
Panel 10:
Man: Okay, go back to the old way.
Panel 11:
The Oracle: You shall be known for conquering many young warriors.
Panel 12:
Man: I'll take it!
Votey:
A bearded man (the cartoonist, drawing at a desk), laughing: Everybody likes Croesus jokes!
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic about a king repeatedly consulting the Oracle and being foiled by her ambiguous prophecies. A robed man asks the Oracle (a hooded woman) whether he should cross the river and make war on Persia; she says 'a great empire shall be destroyed.' Soon, now armored and standing amid a ruined city, he realizes she meant HIS empire. Later he asks how long his reign will last; she says 'until a mule is king of the Medeans,' which he reads as 'forever,' but 'mule' turns out to mean Cyrus, who is half Persian half Greek. Frustrated, he demands straight predictions, so the Oracle bluntly foretells that he will die this year, his empire will fall, and ancient Greeks will mostly be remembered for pederasty. He tells her to go back to the cryptic old way; she then prophesies he 'shall be known for conquering many young warriors,' and he happily replies 'I'll take it!' Votey: a black-and-white drawing of a laughing bearded cartoonist at his desk saying 'Everybody likes Croesus jokes!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.