2011-07-20
Original: 2011-07-20 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): THIS YEAR, WE FOUND OURSELVES IN THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS.
Woman: IT'S SO ODD THAT WE DISAGREE. HAVING SOMEONE WHO FLAT-OUT NEVER WANTS SEX WOULD BE BORING.
Panel 2 (caption): BUT WHEN ROBOTIC TECHNOLOGY ADVANCED TO THE POINT OF CREATING HUMANOIDS, IT TURNED OUT WE WERE ALL JUST VICTIMS OF A KIND OF SPECIES-WIDE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.
Man: I DON'T WANT TO DO SEX TONIGHT.
Woman: NOR DO I!
Third character: THIS IS AWESOME!
Panel 3 (caption): THE SUDDEN PROFUSION OF SPLIT-UPS WAS REMARKABLY AMICABLE.
Woman: MY IDEAL FRIEND AND I THINK YOU AND I SHOULD DIVORCE.
Man: AGREED.
Panel 4 (caption): PEOPLE WERE SO HAPPY, THEY GREW COMPLACENT.
Man: SO I SAID, WHY LEARN MORE PHYSICS? IT WON'T GET ME A SEXIER MATE.
Panel 5 (caption): THE ROBOTIC INDUSTRY BEGAN PRODUCING HUMANOIDS OF LOWER AND LOWER QUALITY.
First figure: HOW MANY DO YOU WANT FOR-
Second figure: YES-YES
First figure: I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOT SO MUCH HAGGLING AS REPEATING-
Second figure: YES-YES
Panel 6 (caption): SOCIETY BEGAN TO DISINTEGRATE, UNTIL THE HUMANOID ROBOTS WERE BANNED.
Man (at podium): FROM NOW ON, YOU MUST EARN LOVE BY EXCELLING AT ART, SCIENCE, COMMERCE, OR ANY OF THE OTHER MYRIAD PROXIES FOR SEXUAL FITNESS HUMANITY HAS INVENTED.
Panel 7 (caption): BY THE TIME THINGS RETURNED TO NORMAL, WE HAD CHANGED, BUT WERE FOREVER UNABLE TO TELL FROM WHAT.
Woman: SWEETIE, WANNA SEE A MOVIE TONIGHT?
Man: THERE IS NO NEW MOVIE ALREADY IN BLU-RAY.
Woman: GODDAMMIT.
Votey:
First woman: IS THIS ABOUT HOW I WON'T DRESS LIKE PRINCESS LEIA?
Man: LEAVE WOMAN!
Woman: IT'S SO ODD THAT WE DISAGREE. HAVING SOMEONE WHO FLAT-OUT NEVER WANTS SEX WOULD BE BORING.
Panel 2 (caption): BUT WHEN ROBOTIC TECHNOLOGY ADVANCED TO THE POINT OF CREATING HUMANOIDS, IT TURNED OUT WE WERE ALL JUST VICTIMS OF A KIND OF SPECIES-WIDE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.
Man: I DON'T WANT TO DO SEX TONIGHT.
Woman: NOR DO I!
Third character: THIS IS AWESOME!
Panel 3 (caption): THE SUDDEN PROFUSION OF SPLIT-UPS WAS REMARKABLY AMICABLE.
Woman: MY IDEAL FRIEND AND I THINK YOU AND I SHOULD DIVORCE.
Man: AGREED.
Panel 4 (caption): PEOPLE WERE SO HAPPY, THEY GREW COMPLACENT.
Man: SO I SAID, WHY LEARN MORE PHYSICS? IT WON'T GET ME A SEXIER MATE.
Panel 5 (caption): THE ROBOTIC INDUSTRY BEGAN PRODUCING HUMANOIDS OF LOWER AND LOWER QUALITY.
First figure: HOW MANY DO YOU WANT FOR-
Second figure: YES-YES
First figure: I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOT SO MUCH HAGGLING AS REPEATING-
Second figure: YES-YES
Panel 6 (caption): SOCIETY BEGAN TO DISINTEGRATE, UNTIL THE HUMANOID ROBOTS WERE BANNED.
Man (at podium): FROM NOW ON, YOU MUST EARN LOVE BY EXCELLING AT ART, SCIENCE, COMMERCE, OR ANY OF THE OTHER MYRIAD PROXIES FOR SEXUAL FITNESS HUMANITY HAS INVENTED.
Panel 7 (caption): BY THE TIME THINGS RETURNED TO NORMAL, WE HAD CHANGED, BUT WERE FOREVER UNABLE TO TELL FROM WHAT.
Woman: SWEETIE, WANNA SEE A MOVIE TONIGHT?
Man: THERE IS NO NEW MOVIE ALREADY IN BLU-RAY.
Woman: GODDAMMIT.
Votey:
First woman: IS THIS ABOUT HOW I WON'T DRESS LIKE PRINCESS LEIA?
Man: LEAVE WOMAN!
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic narrating a future history of robot companions, each panel topped by a colored caption bar. Panel 1: a smiling couple; caption says this year humanity found itself in the best of all possible worlds. The woman remarks it's odd they disagree, since having a partner who never wants sex would be boring. Panel 2: when robotic humanoids were created, people realized they'd been suffering a species-wide Stockholm syndrome; a man and woman happily tell each other they don't want sex tonight while a third person cheers "This is awesome!" Panel 3: split-ups were amicable; a woman tells a man her ideal friend and she think the two should divorce, and he agrees. Panel 4: people grew complacent; a man says he saw no point learning more physics since it won't get him a sexier mate. Panel 5: the robotics industry made lower-quality humanoids; one robot just repeats "Yes-yes" while a person tries to haggle, noting it isn't really negotiating, just repeating. Panel 6: society disintegrated until humanoid robots were banned; a man at a podium declares that from now on people must earn love by excelling at art, science, commerce, or any of the other proxies for sexual fitness humanity invented. Panel 7: things returned to normal but humanity was changed in unknowable ways; a woman asks her partner if he wants to see a movie, he says there's no new movie already on Blu-ray, and she says "Goddammit." Votey: a roughly drawn black-and-white panel where a woman asks "Is this about how I won't dress like Princess Leia?" and the man snaps back "Leave, woman!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.