2011-08-11
Original: 2011-08-11 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Narration: We realized there was a lot of anger in the workplace.
Woman (manager): Stay out of my life! It's all I have!
Panel 2
Narration: So we made a recreation room with punching bags hooked to dynamos.
(A man punches a bag connected to machinery.)
Panel 3
Narration: Within weeks, we were generating so much energy we could sell it to the state.
Woman (at a chart): This is when we implemented the new dress code.
(A rising line graph is shown.)
Panel 4
Narration: During an economic downturn, many people were anxious about losing their jobs, which led to more anger and more energy just as demand were on the rise.
Woman: My job is paying off, and I'm losing it!!
Panel 5
Narration: Anger energy became more and more important to our bottom line.
Man: Hey Sam -- Sales are down this month. Could you tell accounting we need handwritten versions of all their spreadsheets?
Panel 6
Narration: The profits were staggering when the national cost of conventional energy rose, so did rage supply and price increased simultaneously.
(A graph with a legend: red = price of gas, blue = rage, green = profit.)
Panel 7
Narration: Having run a large company for decades, we hired experts in the creation of internalized madness.
Man: I don't care that you were right -- I just want to apologize for pointing it out.
Panel 8
Narration: Like cows being fed milk-producing diets, our employees were given pure anger fuel.
(A bulletin/sign reads:) Saturday Company Picnic -- (attendance mandatory) (Bring your own pun with you.)
Panel 9
Narration: They think they're developing business consultation solutions, but there's a lot of them, of course. Most of them eventually realize there is a subgenerational nightmare.
Man (anguished): I do nothing for nothing because nothing! What does that make me?!
Panel 10
Narration: The others we fire.
Man: But I'm so happy working here.
Other man: We think you may have psychological problems.
Votey:
Narration: And we need those spreadsheets backward for security reasons.
(A man's head, seen from behind/profile, framed in a panel.)
Narration: We realized there was a lot of anger in the workplace.
Woman (manager): Stay out of my life! It's all I have!
Panel 2
Narration: So we made a recreation room with punching bags hooked to dynamos.
(A man punches a bag connected to machinery.)
Panel 3
Narration: Within weeks, we were generating so much energy we could sell it to the state.
Woman (at a chart): This is when we implemented the new dress code.
(A rising line graph is shown.)
Panel 4
Narration: During an economic downturn, many people were anxious about losing their jobs, which led to more anger and more energy just as demand were on the rise.
Woman: My job is paying off, and I'm losing it!!
Panel 5
Narration: Anger energy became more and more important to our bottom line.
Man: Hey Sam -- Sales are down this month. Could you tell accounting we need handwritten versions of all their spreadsheets?
Panel 6
Narration: The profits were staggering when the national cost of conventional energy rose, so did rage supply and price increased simultaneously.
(A graph with a legend: red = price of gas, blue = rage, green = profit.)
Panel 7
Narration: Having run a large company for decades, we hired experts in the creation of internalized madness.
Man: I don't care that you were right -- I just want to apologize for pointing it out.
Panel 8
Narration: Like cows being fed milk-producing diets, our employees were given pure anger fuel.
(A bulletin/sign reads:) Saturday Company Picnic -- (attendance mandatory) (Bring your own pun with you.)
Panel 9
Narration: They think they're developing business consultation solutions, but there's a lot of them, of course. Most of them eventually realize there is a subgenerational nightmare.
Man (anguished): I do nothing for nothing because nothing! What does that make me?!
Panel 10
Narration: The others we fire.
Man: But I'm so happy working here.
Other man: We think you may have psychological problems.
Votey:
Narration: And we need those spreadsheets backward for security reasons.
(A man's head, seen from behind/profile, framed in a panel.)
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic, narrated as a corporate executive describing how their company began harvesting employee anger as a literal energy source. Panel 1: a frustrated woman shouts "Stay out of my life! It's all I have!" with narration noting there was a lot of anger in the workplace. Panel 2: a man punches a bag hooked to dynamos in a recreation room built to capture that anger as power. Panel 3: a woman beside a rising line graph says the new dress code was implemented as energy generation soared, letting them sell power to the state. Panel 4: during an economic downturn an anxious woman cries "My job is paying off, and I'm losing it!!" as fear breeds more anger and more energy. Panel 5: a manager tells "Sam" that since sales are down, accounting should hand-write all their spreadsheets, deliberately provoking frustration. Panel 6: a graph with a legend (red = price of gas, blue = rage, green = profit) shows profits climbing as energy prices and rage rise together. Panel 7: a man says "I don't care that you were right -- I just want to apologize for pointing it out," as the company hires experts in creating internalized madness. Panel 8: a sign announces a mandatory Saturday company picnic, employees fed "pure anger fuel" like cows on a milk diet. Panel 9: an anguished man cries "I do nothing for nothing because nothing! What does that make me?!" Panel 10: a cheerful man says "But I'm so happy working here," and a colleague replies, "We think you may have psychological problems" -- the contented ones get fired. Votey: a man's head shown in profile inside a hand-drawn panel, with the line "And we need those spreadsheets backward for security reasons," the absurd final twist of the deliberate workplace torment.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.