2011-08-04
Original: 2011-08-04 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (narration box): I found out my cat was dying.
Panel 2 (narration box): He'd spent his whole life loafing around in a hedonistic haze.
Panel 3 (narration box): So I decided to give him the highlights of an ideal feline life in his final days.
Panel 4 (narration box): I tossed him a ballet of small flightless birds.
(caption / cat's thought): Goosebumps you fluffy little murderer.
Panel 5 (narration box): I gave him every domesticated cat's sexual fantasy.
(sound effect): ZUI
(the man, asking an offscreen handler): How much for two tigresses?
(handler): Done.
Panel 6 (narration box): I had him chase a laser, then led him to a ball of red fluff I put on the floor.
(the man): You're the first cat to ever actually catch the laser!
Panel 7 (narration box): When he died, it occurred to me that he had no sense of his own mortality, perhaps no sense of his own existence. This led to a profound realization.
Panel 8 (the man, hopeful): Why... he... he WAS in heaven all along.
Panel 9 (narration box): Also this:
(the man, holding a box): I guess he won't mind if I bury him in this dumpster.
Votey: An orange box (a cardboard box drawn in Garfield-orange) with the word "GARFIELD" handwritten across its lid.
Panel 2 (narration box): He'd spent his whole life loafing around in a hedonistic haze.
Panel 3 (narration box): So I decided to give him the highlights of an ideal feline life in his final days.
Panel 4 (narration box): I tossed him a ballet of small flightless birds.
(caption / cat's thought): Goosebumps you fluffy little murderer.
Panel 5 (narration box): I gave him every domesticated cat's sexual fantasy.
(sound effect): ZUI
(the man, asking an offscreen handler): How much for two tigresses?
(handler): Done.
Panel 6 (narration box): I had him chase a laser, then led him to a ball of red fluff I put on the floor.
(the man): You're the first cat to ever actually catch the laser!
Panel 7 (narration box): When he died, it occurred to me that he had no sense of his own mortality, perhaps no sense of his own existence. This led to a profound realization.
Panel 8 (the man, hopeful): Why... he... he WAS in heaven all along.
Panel 9 (narration box): Also this:
(the man, holding a box): I guess he won't mind if I bury him in this dumpster.
Votey: An orange box (a cardboard box drawn in Garfield-orange) with the word "GARFIELD" handwritten across its lid.
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic, mostly narration boxes over scenes of a man caring for his dying orange cat. Box 1: "I found out my cat was dying" — the man stands with a veterinarian. Box 2: "He'd spent his whole life loafing around in a hedonistic haze" — the fat cat sprawls asleep. Box 3: He decides to give the cat the highlights of an ideal feline life in its final days. Box 4: He tosses the cat a "ballet of small flightless birds," thinking "Goosebumps you fluffy little murderer." Box 5: He gives the cat "every domesticated cat's sexual fantasy" — with a ZUI sound effect he asks an offscreen handler "How much for two tigresses?" and is told "Done." Box 6: He has the cat chase a laser, then led it to a ball of red fluff on the floor, saying "You're the first cat to ever actually catch the laser!" Box 7: When the cat died, he realized it had no sense of its own mortality or existence, leading to a profound realization. Final panel: beaming, the man exclaims "Why... he... he WAS in heaven all along." A coda panel reads "Also this:" as the man holds a box and says, "I guess he won't mind if I bury him in this dumpster." Votey: an orange cardboard box with "GARFIELD" scrawled on its lid — the dumpster/coffin turns out to be a Garfield box.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.