2011-06-22
Original: 2011-06-22 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): AFTER SEVERAL PEOPLE DIED OF STARVATION WHILE ONLINE, THE GOVERNMENT STEPPED IN.
A balding bespectacled man in a suit speaks at a podium with microphones: "Humanity is inundated with too much information! Therefore, we've mandated a limit on memory storage density set at the level obtained in 1982."
Panel 2 (caption): IT WAS A LOSS FOR ART AND SCIENCE, BUT A GAIN FOR COMMUNITY SOLIDARITY.
A family (a father, a red-haired mother, and two children) stands at their front door greeting a uniformed mail carrier. The father: "Look, kids! It's the internet man!"
Panel 3 (caption): AND A RETURN TO SMALL TOWN VALUES.
The mail carrier hands a black floppy disk to the children. Mail carrier: "For Mommy, we have black and white plant photos. Susie, here's your kitty video. Bobby, you got 3,000 experience points today – your mage is now level 34."
Panel 4 (caption): THOUGH IT WAS NOT WITHOUT ITS DOWNSIDES.
At a doorway, an older man named Hank leans in nervously toward the mail carrier. Hank: "You uh... you have any, uh... data for Daddy?" Mail carrier: "You need help, Hank." Hank, clutching the floppy disk: "Old internet never judged me!"
Votey:
A close-up of a black floppy disk with a hand-written label reading "2 BIT WHORES". The disk has a large oval hole worn or cut through its center.
A balding bespectacled man in a suit speaks at a podium with microphones: "Humanity is inundated with too much information! Therefore, we've mandated a limit on memory storage density set at the level obtained in 1982."
Panel 2 (caption): IT WAS A LOSS FOR ART AND SCIENCE, BUT A GAIN FOR COMMUNITY SOLIDARITY.
A family (a father, a red-haired mother, and two children) stands at their front door greeting a uniformed mail carrier. The father: "Look, kids! It's the internet man!"
Panel 3 (caption): AND A RETURN TO SMALL TOWN VALUES.
The mail carrier hands a black floppy disk to the children. Mail carrier: "For Mommy, we have black and white plant photos. Susie, here's your kitty video. Bobby, you got 3,000 experience points today – your mage is now level 34."
Panel 4 (caption): THOUGH IT WAS NOT WITHOUT ITS DOWNSIDES.
At a doorway, an older man named Hank leans in nervously toward the mail carrier. Hank: "You uh... you have any, uh... data for Daddy?" Mail carrier: "You need help, Hank." Hank, clutching the floppy disk: "Old internet never judged me!"
Votey:
A close-up of a black floppy disk with a hand-written label reading "2 BIT WHORES". The disk has a large oval hole worn or cut through its center.
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic imagining a future where the government caps data storage at 1982 levels after people died of starvation while online. Panel 1: a suited man at a podium announces the mandate limiting memory storage density. Panel 2 (captioned a loss for art and science but a gain for community solidarity): a family greets a uniformed mail carrier at their door, the dad saying "Look, kids! It's the internet man!" Panel 3 (a return to small town values): the carrier hands the kids a floppy disk, doling out black-and-white plant photos for Mommy, a kitty video for Susie, and 3,000 experience points leveling Bobby's mage to level 34. Panel 4 (not without its downsides): an older man, Hank, nervously asks "You have any data for Daddy?"; the carrier replies "You need help, Hank," and Hank insists "Old internet never judged me!" — implying he wants porn. Votey: a close-up of a black floppy disk hand-labeled "2 BIT WHORES" with a large oval hole worn through its center, the low-resolution era's stand-in for adult content.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.