2011-06-30
Original: 2011-06-30 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: God is like a table held on three legs. (The three legs are labeled OMNISCIENT, OMNIPOTENT, OMNIBENEVOLENT.)
Panel 2: On top of the table is a ball called THE JUICY. (A red ball labeled "THE JUICY" sits on the tabletop.)
Panel 3: The ball is out of reach, but we want it. (A hand reaches up toward the ball on the table.)
Panel 4: We can get the ball by shortening any one of the legs. (Three small tables shown, each with one leg shortened, tipping the ball off.) Labels on the tables: "FREE WILL", "GOD HAS BIGGER CONCERNS THAN YOU", "GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS DICKISH WAYS".
Panel 5: Each releases the ball, but makes the table ugly. (A short, lopsided table with the ball rolling off.)
Panel 6: For most people, this is disturbing. (A blue/grey figure standing beside the broken table.)
Panel 7: Just kidding. Most people don't care. (The figure walks away cheerfully. Speech: "WHEE!")
Panel 8: And, in all fairness, it's probably better than the alternative. (A wide, sturdy table.)
Panel 9: So... what does a wonderful, beautiful skepticism offer? Doesn't-give-a-shit-about-you cosmos.
Votey:
A bearded figure (depicting God) points and declares: "I PROMISE A PENIS JOKE TOMORROW!"
Panel 2: On top of the table is a ball called THE JUICY. (A red ball labeled "THE JUICY" sits on the tabletop.)
Panel 3: The ball is out of reach, but we want it. (A hand reaches up toward the ball on the table.)
Panel 4: We can get the ball by shortening any one of the legs. (Three small tables shown, each with one leg shortened, tipping the ball off.) Labels on the tables: "FREE WILL", "GOD HAS BIGGER CONCERNS THAN YOU", "GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS DICKISH WAYS".
Panel 5: Each releases the ball, but makes the table ugly. (A short, lopsided table with the ball rolling off.)
Panel 6: For most people, this is disturbing. (A blue/grey figure standing beside the broken table.)
Panel 7: Just kidding. Most people don't care. (The figure walks away cheerfully. Speech: "WHEE!")
Panel 8: And, in all fairness, it's probably better than the alternative. (A wide, sturdy table.)
Panel 9: So... what does a wonderful, beautiful skepticism offer? Doesn't-give-a-shit-about-you cosmos.
Votey:
A bearded figure (depicting God) points and declares: "I PROMISE A PENIS JOKE TOMORROW!"
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic uses a three-legged table as a metaphor for God. Panel 1: a purple table whose three legs are labeled OMNISCIENT, OMNIPOTENT, and OMNIBENEVOLENT. Panel 2: a red ball sits on the tabletop, labeled THE JUICY. Panel 3: a hand reaches up toward the out-of-reach ball, captioned that the ball is out of reach but we want it. Panel 4: three little tables, each with one leg shortened so the ball rolls off; the shortened legs are labeled FREE WILL, GOD HAS BIGGER CONCERNS THAN YOU, and GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS DICKISH WAYS, illustrating that removing any one of the omni-properties resolves the problem of evil. Panel 5: a lopsided, ugly short table with the ball falling off, captioned that each option releases the ball but makes the table ugly. Panel 6: a grey humanoid figure beside the broken table, captioned that for most people this is disturbing. Panel 7: the figure walks away happily shouting WHEE, captioned just kidding, most people don't care. Panel 8: a wide sturdy table, captioned it's probably better than the alternative. Panel 9: caption asks what a wonderful, beautiful skepticism offers, answered with a doesn't-give-a-shit-about-you cosmos. Votey: a bearded God figure points and proclaims, I PROMISE A PENIS JOKE TOMORROW!
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.