2011-01-31
Original: 2011-01-31 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A bearded prisoner in an orange jumpsuit, hands raised defiantly, faces an interrogator in dark sunglasses and a green military jacket.
Prisoner: "I'LL NEVER TELL YOU WHERE THE LEADER IS!"
Panel 2: Close on the interrogator (sunglasses, green jacket, tie).
Interrogator: "VERY WELL."
Panel 3: The prisoner grins, almost eager.
Prisoner: "SO WHAT IS IT? THUMBSCREWS? STRAPPADO? THE RACK?!"
Panel 4: The interrogator holds up a small recording/playback device.
Interrogator: "A RECORDING OF THE SOUND 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS EMIT UPON SEEING A POP SINGER."
Panel 5: The prisoner, confused.
Prisoner: "WHAT?"
Panel 6: A starburst over the device. Sound effect: "Click!"
Panel 7: A long, ear-splitting shriek rendered as huge letters: "EEEEEEEEEEEFEE"
Panel 8: Three increasingly agonized close-ups of the prisoner's bearded face contorting in pain.
Panel 9: The prisoner's face becomes a monstrous, melting, neon-fanged horror as the sound destroys him.
Panel 10: The prisoner, blood running from his nose and mouth, clutches his head, broken.
Prisoner: "OKAY! OKAY! OKAY! YOU WIN..."
Caption bar: "BEFORE EVERY WAR SINCE WWII"
Final panel: A dim office. A bald President sits at a desk with a bottle of liquor and a glass; a military general (sunglasses, green uniform) stands facing him.
President: "GENERAL... WE'RE GOING TO WAR. I'M... GOING TO NEED A NEW TEENAGE POP STAR."
General: "YES, MR. PRESIDENT. AND, MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS."
Votey:
A dark scene: a large black bomb hangs by a cord, with a hand or pin at its top.
Caption text: "RELEASE BIEBER."
Prisoner: "I'LL NEVER TELL YOU WHERE THE LEADER IS!"
Panel 2: Close on the interrogator (sunglasses, green jacket, tie).
Interrogator: "VERY WELL."
Panel 3: The prisoner grins, almost eager.
Prisoner: "SO WHAT IS IT? THUMBSCREWS? STRAPPADO? THE RACK?!"
Panel 4: The interrogator holds up a small recording/playback device.
Interrogator: "A RECORDING OF THE SOUND 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS EMIT UPON SEEING A POP SINGER."
Panel 5: The prisoner, confused.
Prisoner: "WHAT?"
Panel 6: A starburst over the device. Sound effect: "Click!"
Panel 7: A long, ear-splitting shriek rendered as huge letters: "EEEEEEEEEEEFEE"
Panel 8: Three increasingly agonized close-ups of the prisoner's bearded face contorting in pain.
Panel 9: The prisoner's face becomes a monstrous, melting, neon-fanged horror as the sound destroys him.
Panel 10: The prisoner, blood running from his nose and mouth, clutches his head, broken.
Prisoner: "OKAY! OKAY! OKAY! YOU WIN..."
Caption bar: "BEFORE EVERY WAR SINCE WWII"
Final panel: A dim office. A bald President sits at a desk with a bottle of liquor and a glass; a military general (sunglasses, green uniform) stands facing him.
President: "GENERAL... WE'RE GOING TO WAR. I'M... GOING TO NEED A NEW TEENAGE POP STAR."
General: "YES, MR. PRESIDENT. AND, MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS."
Votey:
A dark scene: a large black bomb hangs by a cord, with a hand or pin at its top.
Caption text: "RELEASE BIEBER."
Alt text
A vertical SMBC comic. A defiant bearded prisoner in an orange jumpsuit tells an interrogator in sunglasses and a green military uniform, "I'll never tell you where the leader is!" The interrogator says "Very well." The prisoner eagerly asks if it'll be thumbscrews, the strappado, or the rack. Instead, the interrogator holds up a small recorder and explains it's "a recording of the sound 12-year-old girls emit upon seeing a pop singer." He clicks play. An enormous shriek (drawn as giant letters "EEEEEEEE") blasts out, and across several panels the prisoner's face contorts, melts into a fanged monster, and finally bleeds from the nose and mouth as he screams "Okay! Okay! You win..." A caption reads "Before every war since WWII." In the final panel, in a dim office, a President at a desk with a liquor bottle tells a uniformed general, "We're going to war. I'm going to need a new teenage pop star." The general replies, "Yes, Mr. President. And may God have mercy on our souls." Votey: a large black bomb hangs ready to be dropped, captioned "Release Bieber."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.