2011-02-07
Original: 2011-02-07 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title text above comic: IT'S CALLED "THE PARADOX OF THE COURT"
Panel 1 (caption): IN ATHENS, PROTAGORAS MADE A DEAL WITH EUATHLUS.
Protagoras (bearded man): Tell you what - I'll teach you how to speak in court, and you don't have to pay me till you win your first case.
Euathlus: Great!
Panel 2 (caption): BUT LATER, EUATHLUS DIDN'T BOTHER TO SEEK ANY CASES.
Protagoras: Hey! Get to work!
Euathlus (holding an urn): Sorry, I was checking out this depiction of naked wrestlers on the side of an urn.
Panel 3 (caption): SO, PROTAGORAS SUED EUATHLUS FOR HIS PAYMENT.
Protagoras (holding a document): If I win, the court says you pay me. If I lose, our deal says you pay me.
Panel 4 (caption): BUT EUATHLUS COUNTERED.
Euathlus (holding a tablet): Not so! If I win, the court says I don't pay. If I lose, you failed to teach me, so I don't pay.
Panel 5 (caption): THE ARGUMENT WAS ELLIPTICALLY BEAUTIFUL.
Protagoras: But if you win the first case, then there is new information, so I can sue a second time.
Euathlus: But, if you win the second case, it invalidates the first. So you see-
Panel 6 (caption): LATER, ATHENS SOMEHOW LOST THE PELOPONNESIAN WAR.
Protagoras (now wounded, with a spear at his chest): But, did you kill me or did the spear? Or society? Or nature herself?
Armored soldier (holding the spear): I'm gonna kill your children and take your wife.
Protagoras: Fascinating!
Votey:
The armored soldier, holding his spear, replies: Oh wait. It's the spear for sure.
Panel 1 (caption): IN ATHENS, PROTAGORAS MADE A DEAL WITH EUATHLUS.
Protagoras (bearded man): Tell you what - I'll teach you how to speak in court, and you don't have to pay me till you win your first case.
Euathlus: Great!
Panel 2 (caption): BUT LATER, EUATHLUS DIDN'T BOTHER TO SEEK ANY CASES.
Protagoras: Hey! Get to work!
Euathlus (holding an urn): Sorry, I was checking out this depiction of naked wrestlers on the side of an urn.
Panel 3 (caption): SO, PROTAGORAS SUED EUATHLUS FOR HIS PAYMENT.
Protagoras (holding a document): If I win, the court says you pay me. If I lose, our deal says you pay me.
Panel 4 (caption): BUT EUATHLUS COUNTERED.
Euathlus (holding a tablet): Not so! If I win, the court says I don't pay. If I lose, you failed to teach me, so I don't pay.
Panel 5 (caption): THE ARGUMENT WAS ELLIPTICALLY BEAUTIFUL.
Protagoras: But if you win the first case, then there is new information, so I can sue a second time.
Euathlus: But, if you win the second case, it invalidates the first. So you see-
Panel 6 (caption): LATER, ATHENS SOMEHOW LOST THE PELOPONNESIAN WAR.
Protagoras (now wounded, with a spear at his chest): But, did you kill me or did the spear? Or society? Or nature herself?
Armored soldier (holding the spear): I'm gonna kill your children and take your wife.
Protagoras: Fascinating!
Votey:
The armored soldier, holding his spear, replies: Oh wait. It's the spear for sure.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic titled "The Paradox of the Court." In ancient Athens, the philosopher Protagoras (a bearded man) makes a deal with his student Euathlus: he'll teach him courtroom speaking and Euathlus won't have to pay until he wins his first case. Euathlus says "Great!" Later, Euathlus never bothers to take any cases, telling an annoyed Protagoras he was busy admiring naked wrestlers depicted on an urn. So Protagoras sues Euathlus for payment, reasoning: "If I win, the court says you pay me. If I lose, our deal says you pay me." Euathlus counters: "If I win, the court says I don't pay. If I lose, you failed to teach me, so I don't pay." The argument escalates into a beautiful paradox about suing a second time and invalidating the first case. In the final panel, the caption reads "Later, Athens somehow lost the Peloponnesian War," and a wounded Protagoras lies with an armored soldier's spear at his chest. Still philosophizing, Protagoras asks "But, did you kill me or did the spear? Or society? Or nature herself?" The soldier flatly says "I'm gonna kill your children and take your wife," and Protagoras replies "Fascinating!" In the votey, the same soldier, holding his spear, answers the philosophical question deadpan: "Oh wait. It's the spear for sure."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.