2010-01-15
Original: 2010-01-15 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Caption: IN THE FUTURE, NEUROSCIENCE GROWS SO MATHEMATICALLY PREDICTIVE, RESEARCHERS SET UP MIND-READING SHOPS.
(A street scene with two storefronts. On the left, a shop sign reads "PSYCHIC" with a smaller sign in the door window reading "Out of Business." On the right, a brightly lit shop with a sign reading "SCIENTIFIC MIND READ[ING]" and a "NOW SERVING 64" ticket display. A crowd of people lines up outside.)
Panel 2:
Caption: ALL THE OLD-FASHIONED PSYCHICS JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE SAME LEVEL OF CLARITY.
Old-fashioned psychic (an older person in a purple turban, hands over a glowing crystal ball): I SEE MANY HAZY QUALITIES IN YOU, ALL OF WHICH ARE POSITIVE AND INTERESTING!
(A blonde woman sits across the table, looking on.)
Panel 3:
Caption: QUICKLY, WE REALIZE HOW MUCH WE MISS THEM...
Scientific mind reader (a woman in a blue collared shirt, pointing at a computer monitor full of code): OH, NEAT! HERE'S WHERE YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND!
(The same blonde woman sits across from her, looking displeased.)
Votey:
The scientific mind reader, laughing and pointing: AND HERE'S YOUR JELLYFISH FETISH!
Caption: IN THE FUTURE, NEUROSCIENCE GROWS SO MATHEMATICALLY PREDICTIVE, RESEARCHERS SET UP MIND-READING SHOPS.
(A street scene with two storefronts. On the left, a shop sign reads "PSYCHIC" with a smaller sign in the door window reading "Out of Business." On the right, a brightly lit shop with a sign reading "SCIENTIFIC MIND READ[ING]" and a "NOW SERVING 64" ticket display. A crowd of people lines up outside.)
Panel 2:
Caption: ALL THE OLD-FASHIONED PSYCHICS JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE SAME LEVEL OF CLARITY.
Old-fashioned psychic (an older person in a purple turban, hands over a glowing crystal ball): I SEE MANY HAZY QUALITIES IN YOU, ALL OF WHICH ARE POSITIVE AND INTERESTING!
(A blonde woman sits across the table, looking on.)
Panel 3:
Caption: QUICKLY, WE REALIZE HOW MUCH WE MISS THEM...
Scientific mind reader (a woman in a blue collared shirt, pointing at a computer monitor full of code): OH, NEAT! HERE'S WHERE YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND!
(The same blonde woman sits across from her, looking displeased.)
Votey:
The scientific mind reader, laughing and pointing: AND HERE'S YOUR JELLYFISH FETISH!
Alt text
A three-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1 caption: "In the future, neuroscience grows so mathematically predictive, researchers set up mind-reading shops." The scene shows a street with a run-down "PSYCHIC" shop marked "Out of Business" next to a bright, busy "SCIENTIFIC MIND READING" shop with a "Now Serving 64" ticket display and a long line of customers. Panel 2 caption: "All the old-fashioned psychics just didn't have the same level of clarity." A turbaned psychic with a crystal ball tells a blonde customer, "I see many hazy qualities in you, all of which are positive and interesting!" Panel 3 caption: "Quickly, we realize how much we miss them..." A scientific mind reader points at a code-filled computer screen and cheerfully tells the same now-displeased customer, "Oh, neat! Here's where you fantasize about your ex-girlfriend!" In the votey (bonus panel), the grinning reader continues, "And here's your jellyfish fetish!" The joke: literal, accurate mind-reading is mortifying compared to vague flattering psychics.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.