2009-11-09
Original: 2009-11-09 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title text above panel 1: AS IS WELL KNOWN, OVERPOPULATION IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM.
Panel 1 (caption): In 60 years, overpopulation is a serious problem.
(A crowd of people stand together in front of a city skyline at night.)
Panel 2 (caption): The fairest solution is to randomly terminate humans via space-based laser.
(A satellite with a solar panel orbits above the Earth.)
Panel 3 (caption): The constant dread results in a steep rise in unprotected sex.
(A man and a woman lie naked in bed together.)
Panel 4 (caption): Which necessitates more laser blasts.
(The satellite fires a beam down toward the Earth.)
Panel 5 (caption): Which only exacerbates the dread.
(A crowd of nude people stand together as laser beams strike around them.)
Panel 6 (caption): Somewhere in the vicious cycle, we realized it wasn't all that bad.
(More nude people amid the laser beams.)
Panel 7 (caption): And bonus: alien invasion is no longer a concern.
(Two green aliens at a control panel look up in alarm.)
Alien: WHAT THE F--K, HUMANS?! WHAT THE F--K.!
Votey:
(A single green alien holding a telephone receiver to its head, speaking into a speech bubble.)
Alien: Yeah, no need to invade. Just explode them.
Panel 1 (caption): In 60 years, overpopulation is a serious problem.
(A crowd of people stand together in front of a city skyline at night.)
Panel 2 (caption): The fairest solution is to randomly terminate humans via space-based laser.
(A satellite with a solar panel orbits above the Earth.)
Panel 3 (caption): The constant dread results in a steep rise in unprotected sex.
(A man and a woman lie naked in bed together.)
Panel 4 (caption): Which necessitates more laser blasts.
(The satellite fires a beam down toward the Earth.)
Panel 5 (caption): Which only exacerbates the dread.
(A crowd of nude people stand together as laser beams strike around them.)
Panel 6 (caption): Somewhere in the vicious cycle, we realized it wasn't all that bad.
(More nude people amid the laser beams.)
Panel 7 (caption): And bonus: alien invasion is no longer a concern.
(Two green aliens at a control panel look up in alarm.)
Alien: WHAT THE F--K, HUMANS?! WHAT THE F--K.!
Votey:
(A single green alien holding a telephone receiver to its head, speaking into a speech bubble.)
Alien: Yeah, no need to invade. Just explode them.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic, mostly caption boxes over simple illustrations, narrating a darkly absurd population-control scheme. Panel 1, over a nighttime crowd: "In 60 years, overpopulation is a serious problem." Panel 2, over a satellite orbiting Earth: "The fairest solution is to randomly terminate humans via space-based laser." Panel 3, over a naked man and woman in bed: "The constant dread results in a steep rise in unprotected sex." Panel 4, the satellite firing a beam at Earth: "Which necessitates more laser blasts." Panel 5, nude people standing among laser beams: "Which only exacerbates the dread." Panel 6: "Somewhere in the vicious cycle, we realized it wasn't all that bad." Panel 7: "And bonus: alien invasion is no longer a concern" — two alarmed green aliens at a control panel shout, "What the f--k, humans?! What the f--k." Votey: a green alien on the phone says, "Yeah, no need to invade. Just explode them." — the aliens have decided humanity's casual self-extermination makes conquest pointless.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.