2009-05-20
Original: 2009-05-20 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title: SCIENCE FUNDING EXPLAINED:
Panel 1:
Scientist (a balding man with glasses, holding a folder): Mister Senator, I think we can send a man to Mars.
Senator (seated, only arm visible): *YAWN*
Panel 2:
Scientist: Mister Senator, I think we can explode Mars.
Senator: Go on.
Scientist: We can explode Mars... before the Chinese?
Senator: SOLD!
Panel 3 (no dialogue): A rocket blasts off from Earth, seen from space.
Panel 4:
Scientist: Bad news, sir. The rocket accidentally landed, which caused the scientists inside to get out and take data samples.
Senator: BLAST!
Panel 5:
Scientist: However, with more money, we could carry a bigger payload, shaped like a scientific colony.
Senator: I don't know...
Panel 6:
Scientist (holding up a sheet of paper that reads "BOOM!" in a comic explosion graphic): It'd look like this.
Senator: I'm gonna need that for the photo op.
Votey:
A woman with glasses looks worried.
Offscreen voice: Is the nano-poison built?
Woman: Sorry, we accidentally cured cancer...
Panel 1:
Scientist (a balding man with glasses, holding a folder): Mister Senator, I think we can send a man to Mars.
Senator (seated, only arm visible): *YAWN*
Panel 2:
Scientist: Mister Senator, I think we can explode Mars.
Senator: Go on.
Scientist: We can explode Mars... before the Chinese?
Senator: SOLD!
Panel 3 (no dialogue): A rocket blasts off from Earth, seen from space.
Panel 4:
Scientist: Bad news, sir. The rocket accidentally landed, which caused the scientists inside to get out and take data samples.
Senator: BLAST!
Panel 5:
Scientist: However, with more money, we could carry a bigger payload, shaped like a scientific colony.
Senator: I don't know...
Panel 6:
Scientist (holding up a sheet of paper that reads "BOOM!" in a comic explosion graphic): It'd look like this.
Senator: I'm gonna need that for the photo op.
Votey:
A woman with glasses looks worried.
Offscreen voice: Is the nano-poison built?
Woman: Sorry, we accidentally cured cancer...
Alt text
A six-panel black-and-white-bordered comic titled "SCIENCE FUNDING EXPLAINED." A balding scientist in glasses holding a folder repeatedly pitches a bored senator (shown only as an arm in a red armchair). Panel 1: the scientist says they can send a man to Mars; the senator yawns. Panel 2: he says they can explode Mars; the senator says "Go on." When the scientist adds "before the Chinese?" the senator shouts "SOLD!" Panel 3: a rocket launches from Earth, viewed from space. Panel 4: the scientist reports bad news, that the rocket accidentally landed and the scientists got out and took data samples; the senator says "BLAST!" in disappointment. Panel 5: the scientist offers that with more money they could carry a bigger payload shaped like a scientific colony; the senator hesitates. Panel 6: the scientist holds up a paper showing a cartoon "BOOM!" explosion, saying "It'd look like this," and the senator says he needs that for the photo op. The joke is that politicians fund destruction and spectacle, not actual science. Votey: a worried woman in glasses is asked by an offscreen voice, "Is the nano-poison built?" She replies, "Sorry, we accidentally cured cancer..."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.