2005-09-30
Original: 2005-09-30 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A lawyer in a blue suit stands in a courtroom, gesturing emphatically and shouting, addressing a jury or courtroom seen from behind.
Lawyer: "OKAY, LET'S SAY MY CLIENT KILLED HIS WIFE. WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE HE DIDN'T KILL?! THAT'S SIX BILLION PEOPLE! DON'T THEY MATTER?"
Lawyer: "DON'T THEY MATTER?!"
Caption (below panel): In an alternate universe, Jeffrey Dahmer has a thank you parade every year.
Votey:
A close-up of a man's face (the lawyer) with a furrowed, indignant expression, speaking.
Man: "People are starving in Bangladesh, but all you care about is one rich guy in the US."
A lawyer in a blue suit stands in a courtroom, gesturing emphatically and shouting, addressing a jury or courtroom seen from behind.
Lawyer: "OKAY, LET'S SAY MY CLIENT KILLED HIS WIFE. WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE HE DIDN'T KILL?! THAT'S SIX BILLION PEOPLE! DON'T THEY MATTER?"
Lawyer: "DON'T THEY MATTER?!"
Caption (below panel): In an alternate universe, Jeffrey Dahmer has a thank you parade every year.
Votey:
A close-up of a man's face (the lawyer) with a furrowed, indignant expression, speaking.
Man: "People are starving in Bangladesh, but all you care about is one rich guy in the US."
Alt text
A single courtroom panel: a defense lawyer in a blue suit stands gesturing dramatically and shouting at a jury or audience shown from behind. His speech balloon reads: "OKAY, LET'S SAY MY CLIENT KILLED HIS WIFE. WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE HE DIDN'T KILL?! THAT'S SIX BILLION PEOPLE! DON'T THEY MATTER? DON'T THEY MATTER?!" A caption beneath the panel reads: "In an alternate universe, Jeffrey Dahmer has a thank you parade every year." The joke: the lawyer absurdly reframes guilt as a numbers game, crediting his client for all the people he didn't murder. Votey (aftercomic): a black-and-white close-up of the lawyer's indignant face saying, "People are starving in Bangladesh, but all you care about is one rich guy in the US," deflecting from the murder by pointing to a bigger, unrelated tragedy.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.