Witch
Original: Witch on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Knight: Witch! Why did you imprison the princess in a tower?
Panel 2:
Witch (green-skinned, pointy hat): This is medieval fable times! Every man is trying to get her pregnant and every woman is trying to eat her!
Panel 3:
(A blond man and a red-haired woman appear in the bushes.)
Blond man: True!
Red-haired woman: Guilty!
Panel 4:
Witch: Every short person is an evil fairy and every ugly person is literally Satan.
Panel 5:
(Two short/odd-looking men appear.)
First man: I'm actually a gremlin.
Second man: I am, however, Satan.
Panel 6:
Witch: The only responsible thing is to lock her in—HEY DAMMIT did he climb up your hair?
Panel 7:
(Inside the tower window, the princess with long blond hair is being embraced by the knight.)
Princess: I am with child.
Panel 8:
Witch (exasperated, looking back): It's been thirty seconds!
(The red-haired woman sits in the background, fork in hand, ready to eat.)
Votey:
Close-up of the witch's angry face under her pointed hat.
Witch: I'm gonna eat your kids as a form of birth control.
Knight: Witch! Why did you imprison the princess in a tower?
Panel 2:
Witch (green-skinned, pointy hat): This is medieval fable times! Every man is trying to get her pregnant and every woman is trying to eat her!
Panel 3:
(A blond man and a red-haired woman appear in the bushes.)
Blond man: True!
Red-haired woman: Guilty!
Panel 4:
Witch: Every short person is an evil fairy and every ugly person is literally Satan.
Panel 5:
(Two short/odd-looking men appear.)
First man: I'm actually a gremlin.
Second man: I am, however, Satan.
Panel 6:
Witch: The only responsible thing is to lock her in—HEY DAMMIT did he climb up your hair?
Panel 7:
(Inside the tower window, the princess with long blond hair is being embraced by the knight.)
Princess: I am with child.
Panel 8:
Witch (exasperated, looking back): It's been thirty seconds!
(The red-haired woman sits in the background, fork in hand, ready to eat.)
Votey:
Close-up of the witch's angry face under her pointed hat.
Witch: I'm gonna eat your kids as a form of birth control.
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A knight asks a green-skinned witch in a pointy hat why she imprisoned a princess in a tower. The witch explains that in 'medieval fable times' every man is trying to get the princess pregnant and every woman is trying to eat her; a blond man and a red-haired woman pop out of the bushes confirming 'True!' and 'Guilty!' The witch adds that every short person is an evil fairy and every ugly person is literally Satan; two odd men appear, one saying 'I'm actually a gremlin,' the other 'I am, however, Satan.' The witch says the only responsible thing is to lock the princess in—then interrupts herself: 'HEY DAMMIT did he climb up your hair?' Cut to the tower window where the knight is already embracing the long-haired blond princess, who announces 'I am with child.' The fed-up witch yells 'It's been thirty seconds!' as the fork-wielding red-haired woman waits nearby. Votey (bonus panel): an extreme close-up of the witch's scowling face as she declares, 'I'm gonna eat your kids as a form of birth control.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.