On the Edge
Original: On the Edge on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (running, with two onlookers behind her): MY GOD! WHY IS TED RUNNING TOWARD THE ALIENS!?
Panel 2:
Dark-haired woman (alarmed): OH NO! THEY CAPTURED HIM! FIRST THEY'LL KILL HIM, THEN THEY'LL KILL US.
Panel 3:
Man with goatee: NO. HE'S BEEN EDGING HIMSELF FOR 20 YEARS. HE HAS AN ALIEN ABDUCTION SCENARIO FETISH.
Panel 4:
Dark-haired woman: TWENTY YEARS? BUT, BUT THAT MEANS—
Panel 5 (no dialogue): The man and woman look on, stunned.
Panel 6 (no dialogue): A flying saucer hovers, beaming a column of light down onto two small silhouetted figures.
Panel 7 (no dialogue): Ted, a man with flame-like hair, floats upward in the beam with his arms spread wide, blissful.
Panel 8 (no dialogue): BOOM — a large explosion against the underside of the saucer.
Final panel — banner reads: EVER AFTER
A golden statue of Ted, arms outstretched, stands atop a pedestal as silhouetted people hold up phones to photograph it. The pedestal is inscribed:
TED JENKINS
SAVIOR OF HUMANITY
Votey:
A yellow sticky note with handwritten text: "He came for all of us"
Woman (running, with two onlookers behind her): MY GOD! WHY IS TED RUNNING TOWARD THE ALIENS!?
Panel 2:
Dark-haired woman (alarmed): OH NO! THEY CAPTURED HIM! FIRST THEY'LL KILL HIM, THEN THEY'LL KILL US.
Panel 3:
Man with goatee: NO. HE'S BEEN EDGING HIMSELF FOR 20 YEARS. HE HAS AN ALIEN ABDUCTION SCENARIO FETISH.
Panel 4:
Dark-haired woman: TWENTY YEARS? BUT, BUT THAT MEANS—
Panel 5 (no dialogue): The man and woman look on, stunned.
Panel 6 (no dialogue): A flying saucer hovers, beaming a column of light down onto two small silhouetted figures.
Panel 7 (no dialogue): Ted, a man with flame-like hair, floats upward in the beam with his arms spread wide, blissful.
Panel 8 (no dialogue): BOOM — a large explosion against the underside of the saucer.
Final panel — banner reads: EVER AFTER
A golden statue of Ted, arms outstretched, stands atop a pedestal as silhouetted people hold up phones to photograph it. The pedestal is inscribed:
TED JENKINS
SAVIOR OF HUMANITY
Votey:
A yellow sticky note with handwritten text: "He came for all of us"
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. As aliens arrive, a woman cries out asking why their friend Ted is running toward the aliens. A dark-haired woman panics that the aliens captured him and will kill everyone. A man with a goatee calmly explains: no, Ted has been edging himself for 20 years and has an alien-abduction-scenario fetish. The dark-haired woman, horrified, starts to say "Twenty years? But that means—" as the implication sinks in. A flying saucer beams up the flame-haired Ted, who floats upward with arms spread in bliss, just before a giant BOOM explosion destroys the saucer. The final panel, captioned "EVER AFTER," shows a heroic golden statue of Ted with arms outstretched while a crowd photographs it; the pedestal reads "TED JENKINS, SAVIOR OF HUMANITY." The joke: Ted's two-decade fetish unwittingly saved humanity and made him a celebrated hero. Votey: a yellow sticky note reading "He came for all of us" — a double-meaning eulogy.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.