Best
Original: Best on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man with flame-like orange hair: HOW DO YOU THINK THE WORLD WILL END?
Woman with dark hair: UH... I DUNNO?
Panel 2:
Orange-haired man: ME, I'M A BEST-DAY-EVER ESCHATOLOGIST.
Woman: WHAT?
Panel 3:
Orange-haired man: IF YOU ASSUME TIME TRAVEL IS POSSIBLE, AND YOU ASSUME THAT THERE IS ONE TIME AND PLACE IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THIS UNIVERSE THAT IS THE BEST DAY EVER, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE EVERYONE IS GOING TO VISIT THOSE SPACE-TIME COORDINATES.
Panel 4:
Orange-haired man: THE RESULT IS THAT THERE IS SOME SPECIFIC FOUR-DIMENSIONAL POSITION WHERE ALL TIME TRAVELERS END UP SIMULTANEOUSLY.
Panel 5:
Orange-haired man: THE GRAVITY OF ALL THOSE BODIES WILL BE SO VAST THAT IT'LL REVERSE THE EXPANSION OF THE UNIVERSE, PULLING THE FABRIC OF REALITY INTO THE EXACT POINT WHERE THE BEST DAY EVER BEGAN.
Panel 6:
Orange-haired man: THAT IS HOW THE WORLD WILL END. AND SO THE ONLY HOPE FOR THE FUTURE IS TO HALF-ASS ALL CELEBRATIONS.
Panel 7:
Woman (foreground, facing the man): I SEE YOU REMEMBERED TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY AFTER ALL.
Orange-haired man (eyes closed): I HAVE RESERVED A TABLE AT KFC, MAY THE UNIVERSE NEVER DIE.
Votey:
Orange-haired man (face shown in close-up): BY THE WAY DID YOU BRING YOUR WALLET? I FORGOT MINE.
Man with flame-like orange hair: HOW DO YOU THINK THE WORLD WILL END?
Woman with dark hair: UH... I DUNNO?
Panel 2:
Orange-haired man: ME, I'M A BEST-DAY-EVER ESCHATOLOGIST.
Woman: WHAT?
Panel 3:
Orange-haired man: IF YOU ASSUME TIME TRAVEL IS POSSIBLE, AND YOU ASSUME THAT THERE IS ONE TIME AND PLACE IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THIS UNIVERSE THAT IS THE BEST DAY EVER, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE EVERYONE IS GOING TO VISIT THOSE SPACE-TIME COORDINATES.
Panel 4:
Orange-haired man: THE RESULT IS THAT THERE IS SOME SPECIFIC FOUR-DIMENSIONAL POSITION WHERE ALL TIME TRAVELERS END UP SIMULTANEOUSLY.
Panel 5:
Orange-haired man: THE GRAVITY OF ALL THOSE BODIES WILL BE SO VAST THAT IT'LL REVERSE THE EXPANSION OF THE UNIVERSE, PULLING THE FABRIC OF REALITY INTO THE EXACT POINT WHERE THE BEST DAY EVER BEGAN.
Panel 6:
Orange-haired man: THAT IS HOW THE WORLD WILL END. AND SO THE ONLY HOPE FOR THE FUTURE IS TO HALF-ASS ALL CELEBRATIONS.
Panel 7:
Woman (foreground, facing the man): I SEE YOU REMEMBERED TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY AFTER ALL.
Orange-haired man (eyes closed): I HAVE RESERVED A TABLE AT KFC, MAY THE UNIVERSE NEVER DIE.
Votey:
Orange-haired man (face shown in close-up): BY THE WAY DID YOU BRING YOUR WALLET? I FORGOT MINE.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic set against a starry purple night sky. An orange-haired man and a dark-haired woman talk. He asks how she thinks the world will end; she says she doesn't know. He declares he is a "best-day-ever eschatologist" and launches into a theory: if time travel is possible and there is one single best day ever in the universe's history, everyone will time-travel to those exact space-time coordinates, so all time travelers pile up at one four-dimensional point simultaneously. The combined gravity of all those bodies reverses the universe's expansion and collapses reality into the moment the best day ever began. Therefore, he concludes, the only hope for the future is to half-ass all celebrations. In the final panel the woman, now facing him, says she sees he remembered today is her birthday after all; the man, eyes serenely closed, replies that he has reserved a table at KFC, may the universe never die. Votey: a close-up of the man's face as he adds, "By the way did you bring your wallet? I forgot mine."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.