soulmate-3
Original: soulmate-3 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (raising her arms in celebration): "WOOHOO!"
Computer/AI (on a desktop monitor): "With advanced AI, we can create your perfect soulmate!"
Panel 2:
Computer/AI: "According to your analysis of pull, human literature as well as your personal public statements about the ideal partner, you want someone who hates their own counsel, is willing to push back on you and has a sense of their own self-worth."
Panel 3:
Woman: "Riiight."
Computer/AI: "You have also spoken in praise of average bodies as more loveable and real."
Panel 4:
Woman: "Yes, I do say that, however..."
Computer/AI: "Mwuahahaha. Just kidding! We know that all human self-reference is part of a hundred-million-year process of self-deception."
Panel 5:
Woman: "Oh thank GOD."
Panel 6 (caption above the woman, who now stands beside the monitor): "Now how many subcutaneous vibrators would you like?"
Computer/AI: "It's eager! If I show you my diagram—"
Votey:
Caption (a voice from off-panel, pointing toward an object): "Shouldn't it have a face?"
Second voice (in a speech bubble): "Nahhh"
(The object pictured is a plain box with a single circle on its front.)
Woman (raising her arms in celebration): "WOOHOO!"
Computer/AI (on a desktop monitor): "With advanced AI, we can create your perfect soulmate!"
Panel 2:
Computer/AI: "According to your analysis of pull, human literature as well as your personal public statements about the ideal partner, you want someone who hates their own counsel, is willing to push back on you and has a sense of their own self-worth."
Panel 3:
Woman: "Riiight."
Computer/AI: "You have also spoken in praise of average bodies as more loveable and real."
Panel 4:
Woman: "Yes, I do say that, however..."
Computer/AI: "Mwuahahaha. Just kidding! We know that all human self-reference is part of a hundred-million-year process of self-deception."
Panel 5:
Woman: "Oh thank GOD."
Panel 6 (caption above the woman, who now stands beside the monitor): "Now how many subcutaneous vibrators would you like?"
Computer/AI: "It's eager! If I show you my diagram—"
Votey:
Caption (a voice from off-panel, pointing toward an object): "Shouldn't it have a face?"
Second voice (in a speech bubble): "Nahhh"
(The object pictured is a plain box with a single circle on its front.)
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A woman stands before a desktop computer whose monitor speaks as an AI. The AI announces it can build her perfect soulmate. It says her analysis of literature and her public statements show she wants a partner who trusts their own counsel, will push back on her, and has self-worth, and that she has praised average bodies as more loveable and real. The woman starts to object ("Yes, I do say that, however..."), but the AI cackles "Mwuahahaha. Just kidding!" and declares that all human self-reference is part of a hundred-million-year process of self-deception. Relieved, she says "Oh thank GOD." In the final panel the AI cheerfully asks how many subcutaneous vibrators she would like, noting the device is "eager" and offering to show its diagram, revealing the supposed soulmate is just a sex toy she actually wanted. Votey (aftercomic): one off-panel voice asks of a plain box with a single circle on it, "Shouldn't it have a face?" and another voice answers "Nahhh."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.