democracy
Original: democracy on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man: I hate democracy. It produces political farce and incompetent leaders and bad decisions.
Woman (curly dark hair, red shirt): That's like hating a chicken because it can't juggle.
Panel 2:
Woman: The whole point of democracy is to take people obsessed with power then force them to spend their lives eating bad local food and talking to the most annoying people in every city for an okay chance of getting an official political post.
Panel 3:
Woman: Once they're elected, we trash them so perpetually and so ignorantly that mutual hatred develops, then we throw them out like a dead pet we'd grown bored of.
Panel 4:
Woman: Why is this a good political system? Because it means no one smart and dynamic enough to subvert the system can ever seize enough power to accomplish anything!
Panel 5:
Woman (embracing the man, arms spread wide): Democracy is the discovery that instead of having a glorious evil government you can just have a dumbshit government!
Panel 6:
Woman (pointing, impassioned): We should celebrate this! By God, every shit-for-brains statement made from a podium by a smart person who knows better is to me like the caw of an eagle circling the Statue of Liberty!
Panel 7:
Man: I've never felt so patriotic.
Woman (clutching her head, singing/wailing): FROM SEA TO SHIIIIIIING SSSEEEEAAA
Votey:
A large head in profile (the woman) with a speech bubble: I will never let our dumbshits be overthrown.
Man: I hate democracy. It produces political farce and incompetent leaders and bad decisions.
Woman (curly dark hair, red shirt): That's like hating a chicken because it can't juggle.
Panel 2:
Woman: The whole point of democracy is to take people obsessed with power then force them to spend their lives eating bad local food and talking to the most annoying people in every city for an okay chance of getting an official political post.
Panel 3:
Woman: Once they're elected, we trash them so perpetually and so ignorantly that mutual hatred develops, then we throw them out like a dead pet we'd grown bored of.
Panel 4:
Woman: Why is this a good political system? Because it means no one smart and dynamic enough to subvert the system can ever seize enough power to accomplish anything!
Panel 5:
Woman (embracing the man, arms spread wide): Democracy is the discovery that instead of having a glorious evil government you can just have a dumbshit government!
Panel 6:
Woman (pointing, impassioned): We should celebrate this! By God, every shit-for-brains statement made from a podium by a smart person who knows better is to me like the caw of an eagle circling the Statue of Liberty!
Panel 7:
Man: I've never felt so patriotic.
Woman (clutching her head, singing/wailing): FROM SEA TO SHIIIIIIING SSSEEEEAAA
Votey:
A large head in profile (the woman) with a speech bubble: I will never let our dumbshits be overthrown.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A man and a woman walk together down a city street at night. The man says he hates democracy because it produces political farce, incompetent leaders, and bad decisions. The woman in a red shirt replies that's like hating a chicken because it can't juggle, then launches into an escalating monologue: democracy's whole point is to take power-obsessed people and force them to eat bad local food and talk to annoying people for an okay shot at office, then trash them until mutual hatred develops and discard them like a dead pet. She declares it a good system precisely because no one smart and dynamic can seize enough power to accomplish anything. In the fifth panel she embraces the man with arms spread, calling democracy the discovery that instead of a glorious evil government you can just have a dumbshit government. Growing impassioned, she points and says every shit-for-brains statement made by a smart person who knows better is to her like the caw of an eagle circling the Statue of Liberty. In the final panel the man says he's never felt so patriotic while she clutches her head and wails the national-anthem line 'FROM SEA TO SHIIIIIIING SSSEEEEAAA.' In the bonus votey panel, a close-up of the woman's face says, 'I will never let our dumbshits be overthrown.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.