trolley-7
Original: trolley-7 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman with dark hair (presenter): "Suppose you're in a runaway trolley."
Woman with red hair: "No! I refuse!"
Panel 2:
Presenter: "The whole trolley problem can stem from a dilemma. The moment you change the emotional valence to positive..."
Red-haired woman: "Uh?"
Panel 3:
Presenter: "The trolley is a magic trolley that generates hot subtitles men with grippy prosocial lines."
Presenter (continuing): "Another great day working at the refugee welfare org. Then off to strip for charity."
Panel 4:
Presenter: "On your current track, you will only generate one. If you switch tracks, you will generate five."
Bald man: "Anyone in need of a coconut oiling?"
Blonde man: "Indeed."
Dark-skinned man: "Surely."
Man with stubble: "I can use the leftover top tonight's soup kitchen dinner."
Panel 5:
Presenter: "So you switch tracks in favor of five hot dudes. Duh."
Red-haired woman: "Wow. Huh."
Text near track: "Five is more than one twice the amount of hunky dreamboat."
(Caption at bottom of comic, partially legible): a small-print credit / note line typical of SMBC.
Votey:
A hunched, sketchy figure speaks: "8 comics a week was a great book promo idea."
Woman with dark hair (presenter): "Suppose you're in a runaway trolley."
Woman with red hair: "No! I refuse!"
Panel 2:
Presenter: "The whole trolley problem can stem from a dilemma. The moment you change the emotional valence to positive..."
Red-haired woman: "Uh?"
Panel 3:
Presenter: "The trolley is a magic trolley that generates hot subtitles men with grippy prosocial lines."
Presenter (continuing): "Another great day working at the refugee welfare org. Then off to strip for charity."
Panel 4:
Presenter: "On your current track, you will only generate one. If you switch tracks, you will generate five."
Bald man: "Anyone in need of a coconut oiling?"
Blonde man: "Indeed."
Dark-skinned man: "Surely."
Man with stubble: "I can use the leftover top tonight's soup kitchen dinner."
Panel 5:
Presenter: "So you switch tracks in favor of five hot dudes. Duh."
Red-haired woman: "Wow. Huh."
Text near track: "Five is more than one twice the amount of hunky dreamboat."
(Caption at bottom of comic, partially legible): a small-print credit / note line typical of SMBC.
Votey:
A hunched, sketchy figure speaks: "8 comics a week was a great book promo idea."
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. A dark-haired woman lectures a skeptical red-haired woman on a reframed trolley problem. Instead of a dilemma where switching tracks kills people, she describes a 'magic trolley' that generates attractive, virtuous men ('hot dudes' with prosocial lines about working at a refugee welfare org and stripping for charity). On the current track it would generate one such man; switching tracks generates five. Several handsome shirtless men appear, offering coconut oilings and leftovers from a soup kitchen. Logically, the woman should switch tracks to get five hot dudes instead of one ('Five is more than one'). The red-haired woman reacts with bemused 'Wow. Huh.' The joke flips the usual lethal trolley dilemma into a positive one where every choice is good. Votey (bonus panel): a hunched, exhausted-looking figure says, '8 comics a week was a great book promo idea,' a self-deprecating comment on the cartoonist's punishing output.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.