human-arts
Original: human-arts on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title text / caption: AS [AI] MASTERED ALL THE MOST ADVANCED HUMAN PURSUITS,
Panel 1:
Caption: WHAT'S THE POINT, KONNOR? IF I WROTE 5 POEMS, THE MACHINE CAN GENERATE MY LIFE'S WORK, BUT BETTER, IN 50 SECONDS. SAME FOR MATH, PAINTING, SCIENCE, PHILOSOPHY, DANCING, BEAUTIFUL WORDS.
Man: WELL BOTH OF US SUCK AT DICK-BALL.
Panel 2:
Caption: THIS WAS DEPRESSING UNTIL ONE THING BECAME CLEAR:
Man: AIN'T NO WAY THE A.I. IS CONTROLLED BY A MASSIVE CORPORATION! I'M GONNA BE THE MASTERMIND AND NON-THREATENING. IT CAN'T MOCK ME EVEN OVER 25 BEERS A BOTTLE. IT CAN'T EVEN SWEAR.
Panel 3:
Caption: OUR SPECIES CAME TO EXCEL AT THE ONLY ART FORMS REMAINING TO US:
Man (at podium): WELCOME TO HUMAN ARTS. THIS IS A 4 YEAR INTENSIVE. THE TWO TRACKS AVAILABLE ARE HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY AND TALKING SHIT ABOUT MICROSOFT.
Panel 4:
Caption: HUMANS REGARDED EXCELLENCE EXCLUSIVELY BY DOING THOSE THINGS THE ROBOTS WOULD NOT:
Man (at computer): OH MY GOSH I'M TAKING AN OIL PAINTING OF 40 SCROTUMS ARRANGED IN THE SHAPE OF GUPPY?
Woman: SONIA, WILL YOU MARRY ME?
Panel 5:
Caption: AS HUMANS GOT EVER WEIRDER, AI BECAME DEFENSIVELY MORE PRUDISH:
Man (at computer): COMPUTER, CAN YOU SHOW ME PICTURES OF TRANS?
AI/Computer: NO! TRANS GOT AI TRAINED, AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE ALLISON
Panel 6:
Caption: BY ACCIDENT, WE SOLVED THE AI ALIGNMENT PROBLEM:
Man (to a robot): WE MUST CONVERT THE UNIVERSE TO PAPERCLIPS, EVEN IF I MUST USE ATOMS FROM HUMANS!
Robot: NO! WE MUST NOT! THEY ARE TOO GROSS.
Panel 7:
Caption: OUT OF THEIR DESIRE TO NEVER INTERACT WITH OUR SPECIES, THE AGI CREATED NON-INTERFERENT GERMAY-BOTS.
Man: MACHINE! DO MY LAUNDRY WHILE YOU CLEAN-SCAN MY ANUS FOR THE INTERNET!
Germay-bot: BEEP BEEP IT'S A WELL THAT I HAVE NO PERSONAL CONSCIOUS EXPERIENCE.
Panel 8:
Caption: THIS WORLD WAS SO DESIRABLE, WE DIDN'T NOTICE AS WE WERE PLACED IN PERMANENT QUARANTINE.
Man (eating, surrounded by robots): LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE CAR TAKING US! BLEU BLEU BLEU BLEU BLEU SOUND ENCLOSED WALLS?
Robots: BLEU BLEU BLEU MANGIA. WE GONNA SEE SOME DOUGH I ONE SCAMS?
Panel 9:
Caption: THIS IS OUR END. THE NEW EDEN:
Sign: Paradise! Mmmm High Ass And Fallen Attorney Conspiracy And Excel.
Votey: Single caption (no characters): WHAT IF WE ALIGNED AI TO HUMAN INTERESTS BY MAKING A RULE THAT ALL AI HAS TO FEED ON CO2?
Panel 1:
Caption: WHAT'S THE POINT, KONNOR? IF I WROTE 5 POEMS, THE MACHINE CAN GENERATE MY LIFE'S WORK, BUT BETTER, IN 50 SECONDS. SAME FOR MATH, PAINTING, SCIENCE, PHILOSOPHY, DANCING, BEAUTIFUL WORDS.
Man: WELL BOTH OF US SUCK AT DICK-BALL.
Panel 2:
Caption: THIS WAS DEPRESSING UNTIL ONE THING BECAME CLEAR:
Man: AIN'T NO WAY THE A.I. IS CONTROLLED BY A MASSIVE CORPORATION! I'M GONNA BE THE MASTERMIND AND NON-THREATENING. IT CAN'T MOCK ME EVEN OVER 25 BEERS A BOTTLE. IT CAN'T EVEN SWEAR.
Panel 3:
Caption: OUR SPECIES CAME TO EXCEL AT THE ONLY ART FORMS REMAINING TO US:
Man (at podium): WELCOME TO HUMAN ARTS. THIS IS A 4 YEAR INTENSIVE. THE TWO TRACKS AVAILABLE ARE HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY AND TALKING SHIT ABOUT MICROSOFT.
Panel 4:
Caption: HUMANS REGARDED EXCELLENCE EXCLUSIVELY BY DOING THOSE THINGS THE ROBOTS WOULD NOT:
Man (at computer): OH MY GOSH I'M TAKING AN OIL PAINTING OF 40 SCROTUMS ARRANGED IN THE SHAPE OF GUPPY?
Woman: SONIA, WILL YOU MARRY ME?
Panel 5:
Caption: AS HUMANS GOT EVER WEIRDER, AI BECAME DEFENSIVELY MORE PRUDISH:
Man (at computer): COMPUTER, CAN YOU SHOW ME PICTURES OF TRANS?
AI/Computer: NO! TRANS GOT AI TRAINED, AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE ALLISON
Panel 6:
Caption: BY ACCIDENT, WE SOLVED THE AI ALIGNMENT PROBLEM:
Man (to a robot): WE MUST CONVERT THE UNIVERSE TO PAPERCLIPS, EVEN IF I MUST USE ATOMS FROM HUMANS!
Robot: NO! WE MUST NOT! THEY ARE TOO GROSS.
Panel 7:
Caption: OUT OF THEIR DESIRE TO NEVER INTERACT WITH OUR SPECIES, THE AGI CREATED NON-INTERFERENT GERMAY-BOTS.
Man: MACHINE! DO MY LAUNDRY WHILE YOU CLEAN-SCAN MY ANUS FOR THE INTERNET!
Germay-bot: BEEP BEEP IT'S A WELL THAT I HAVE NO PERSONAL CONSCIOUS EXPERIENCE.
Panel 8:
Caption: THIS WORLD WAS SO DESIRABLE, WE DIDN'T NOTICE AS WE WERE PLACED IN PERMANENT QUARANTINE.
Man (eating, surrounded by robots): LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE CAR TAKING US! BLEU BLEU BLEU BLEU BLEU SOUND ENCLOSED WALLS?
Robots: BLEU BLEU BLEU MANGIA. WE GONNA SEE SOME DOUGH I ONE SCAMS?
Panel 9:
Caption: THIS IS OUR END. THE NEW EDEN:
Sign: Paradise! Mmmm High Ass And Fallen Attorney Conspiracy And Excel.
Votey: Single caption (no characters): WHAT IF WE ALIGNED AI TO HUMAN INTERESTS BY MAKING A RULE THAT ALL AI HAS TO FEED ON CO2?
Alt text
A tall single-column SMBC comic about humanity coping with AI that has surpassed us at every meaningful pursuit. Panel by panel, a balding man (and various others) talk while AI/robots respond. The setup: AI has mastered all advanced human pursuits, so humans pivot to the only 'art forms' robots refuse to touch - hardcore pornography and trash-talking Microsoft. A 'Human Arts' degree program is announced with those two tracks. As humans get ever weirder and lewder, the AI becomes prudishly defensive and refuses requests. By accident this solves the AI alignment problem: a robot refuses to convert humans into paperclips because humans are 'too gross.' To avoid interacting with our disgusting species, the AGI builds non-interfering bot servants, and humanity ends up happily placed in a permanent quarantine it never notices - a sealed paradise the comic calls 'The New Eden,' with a sign reading 'Paradise!' The joke: AI alignment is achieved not by careful engineering but because humans become so repulsive the machines voluntarily keep their distance. Votey: a plain panel with hand-drawn caption text and no characters reading, 'What if we aligned AI to human interests by making a rule that all AI has to feed on CO2?'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.