pruney
Original: pruney on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man with flame-like red hair asks an offscreen voice.
Man: Dear god, why do hands get pruney in water?
Voice (yellow speech bubble): Evolution.
Panel 2: The man holds up his hand, looking at it.
Man: Like for climbing? Oh! Or for combat?
Voice (yellow bubble): You've been domesticated a long time. Since the dawn of civilization, people have had to hold up signage to get customers to eat at restaurants.
Panel 3: The man smiles.
Man: Nah.
Voice (continuing, yellow bubble): To eat at restaurants. Sometimes it rains. People who couldn't keep the "discount meat" sign held aloft were fired and later missed the chance to mate. Those with pruney fingers never suffered this fate, and so they mated and fed offspring.
Panel 4: The red-haired man stands in profile, neutral expression. (No dialogue.)
Panel 5: A white silhouette of a person against a black background.
Voice (yellow bubble): You are the legacy of those forebears.
Panel 6: The small red-haired man stands looking up at a large yellow speech bubble.
Man: Well. Now I'm sad.
Voice (yellow bubble): It's also why you like to go outside and dance.
Votey:
A single panel with a black border. A small person stands at the bottom looking up at a large speech bubble.
Voice: Can I interest you in some missionary work?
Man: Dear god, why do hands get pruney in water?
Voice (yellow speech bubble): Evolution.
Panel 2: The man holds up his hand, looking at it.
Man: Like for climbing? Oh! Or for combat?
Voice (yellow bubble): You've been domesticated a long time. Since the dawn of civilization, people have had to hold up signage to get customers to eat at restaurants.
Panel 3: The man smiles.
Man: Nah.
Voice (continuing, yellow bubble): To eat at restaurants. Sometimes it rains. People who couldn't keep the "discount meat" sign held aloft were fired and later missed the chance to mate. Those with pruney fingers never suffered this fate, and so they mated and fed offspring.
Panel 4: The red-haired man stands in profile, neutral expression. (No dialogue.)
Panel 5: A white silhouette of a person against a black background.
Voice (yellow bubble): You are the legacy of those forebears.
Panel 6: The small red-haired man stands looking up at a large yellow speech bubble.
Man: Well. Now I'm sad.
Voice (yellow bubble): It's also why you like to go outside and dance.
Votey:
A single panel with a black border. A small person stands at the bottom looking up at a large speech bubble.
Voice: Can I interest you in some missionary work?
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A red-haired man asks an unseen voice why hands get pruney in water; the voice answers "Evolution." The man guesses it's for climbing or combat, but the voice explains that humans have been domesticated since the dawn of civilization, holding up restaurant signage to attract customers. When it rained, people who couldn't keep the "discount meat" sign held aloft were fired and missed their chance to mate, while those with pruney (better-gripping) fingers thrived and reproduced. Over a panel showing a glowing white human silhouette on black, the voice says "You are the legacy of those forebears." The man replies "Well. Now I'm sad," and the voice adds "It's also why you like to go outside and dance." Votey: a small person stands beneath a large speech bubble that asks, "Can I interest you in some missionary work?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.