eden
Original: eden on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
God (offscreen voice): ADAM AND EVE! ARE YOU EATING FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE?
Adam or Eve: Uh...
God (offscreen voice): WOO BOY
Panel 2 (sunset/orange sky over a wall):
God (offscreen voice): WELL, AT LEAST HUMANITY GOT KNOWLEDGE BEFORE WE LEFT.
A human: YEAH
Panel 3:
A human: YEAH
Panel 4:
God (offscreen voice): CAN YOU EAT FROM ANY OTHER FORBIDDEN PLANTS?
A human: A PEAR, MAYBE?
God (offscreen voice): JUST A PEAR
A human: YEAH
Panel 5 (three labeled plants in a garden):
Label on a shrub: SHRUB OF JEALOUSY
Label on a vine: VINE OF AVARICE
Label on a stalk of corn: CORN OF JUST KIND OF BEING A DOUCHE FOR NO REASON
Votey:
A woman with long hair, looking back over her shoulder with a wistful expression, in a large speech/thought bubble: WISH I HADN'T EATEN ALL THOSE PINECONES OF BASTARDRY.
God (offscreen voice): ADAM AND EVE! ARE YOU EATING FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE?
Adam or Eve: Uh...
God (offscreen voice): WOO BOY
Panel 2 (sunset/orange sky over a wall):
God (offscreen voice): WELL, AT LEAST HUMANITY GOT KNOWLEDGE BEFORE WE LEFT.
A human: YEAH
Panel 3:
A human: YEAH
Panel 4:
God (offscreen voice): CAN YOU EAT FROM ANY OTHER FORBIDDEN PLANTS?
A human: A PEAR, MAYBE?
God (offscreen voice): JUST A PEAR
A human: YEAH
Panel 5 (three labeled plants in a garden):
Label on a shrub: SHRUB OF JEALOUSY
Label on a vine: VINE OF AVARICE
Label on a stalk of corn: CORN OF JUST KIND OF BEING A DOUCHE FOR NO REASON
Votey:
A woman with long hair, looking back over her shoulder with a wistful expression, in a large speech/thought bubble: WISH I HADN'T EATEN ALL THOSE PINECONES OF BASTARDRY.
Alt text
A six-panel comic retelling the Garden of Eden. In the first panels, God's voice (shown as text without a visible body) confronts Adam and Eve for eating from the Tree of Knowledge: 'ARE YOU EATING FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE?' One of them sheepishly says 'Uh...' and God replies 'WOO BOY.' As the sky turns to sunset and God prepares to leave, God muses 'WELL, AT LEAST HUMANITY GOT KNOWLEDGE BEFORE WE LEFT.' Then God asks whether they ate from any OTHER forbidden plants. The humans hesitantly suggest only 'A PEAR, MAYBE? JUST A PEAR.' The final panel reveals a garden of other forbidden plants they conspicuously did NOT mention, each labeled: 'SHRUB OF JEALOUSY,' 'VINE OF AVARICE,' and 'CORN OF JUST KIND OF BEING A DOUCHE FOR NO REASON' — implying humanity secretly ate all the worst vices too. Votey (bonus panel): a woman with long hair glances back wistfully, thinking, 'WISH I HADN'T EATEN ALL THOSE PINECONES OF BASTARDRY' — one more forbidden plant she regrets.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.