mugging-2
Original: mugging-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Masked robber (red ski mask, pointing a gun): GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY!
Red-haired man: WHY SHOULD I?
Panel 2:
Red-haired man: I'M AN EXTREME-HORIZON SCIENTIFIC UTILITARIAN. I THINK MORALITY SHOULD BE JUDGED ON THE OUTCOME OF ACTIONS, AND ALSO THAT WHEN THE SUN ENGULFS THE EARTH IN 5 BILLION YEARS IT'LL SWALLOW HUMAN HISTORY TOO, MAKING ALL PRIOR ACTION MEANINGLESS.
Masked robber: I'M CAPABLE OF ANYTHING!
Panel 3 (close-up on the robber, wide-eyed):
Masked robber: GIMME YOUR WALLET.
Panel 4:
Red-haired man: IF ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY IS A BRIEF CYCLE IN A VAST UNIVERSE, NONE OF MY INDIVIDUAL ACTIONS HAVE MORAL CHARACTER BEYOND A DELIMITED TIME HORIZON. NO MATTER HOW BLOODY MY HANDS, PATIENCE WILL AUTOCLAVE THEM FROM-
Masked robber: GIMME YOUR WALLET.
Panel 5:
Red-haired man: WHAT?
Masked robber: WHAT'S YOUR JUSTIFICATION?!
Panel 6 (the man is now holding the gun, pointed at the robber):
Red-haired man: I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOUR SPEECHIFYING TO STEAL YOUR GUN, AND NOW I WOULD LIKE YOUR WALLET.
Panel 7 (the man points the gun; the robber clutches his chest, smiling nervously):
Red-haired man: I'M A WALLET-LOVING MORAL RELATIVIST.
Votey:
A close-up of the masked robber's wide-eyed, sweating face.
Red-haired man (off-panel, speech bubble): YOU WANNA GET A COFFEE?
Masked robber (red ski mask, pointing a gun): GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY!
Red-haired man: WHY SHOULD I?
Panel 2:
Red-haired man: I'M AN EXTREME-HORIZON SCIENTIFIC UTILITARIAN. I THINK MORALITY SHOULD BE JUDGED ON THE OUTCOME OF ACTIONS, AND ALSO THAT WHEN THE SUN ENGULFS THE EARTH IN 5 BILLION YEARS IT'LL SWALLOW HUMAN HISTORY TOO, MAKING ALL PRIOR ACTION MEANINGLESS.
Masked robber: I'M CAPABLE OF ANYTHING!
Panel 3 (close-up on the robber, wide-eyed):
Masked robber: GIMME YOUR WALLET.
Panel 4:
Red-haired man: IF ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY IS A BRIEF CYCLE IN A VAST UNIVERSE, NONE OF MY INDIVIDUAL ACTIONS HAVE MORAL CHARACTER BEYOND A DELIMITED TIME HORIZON. NO MATTER HOW BLOODY MY HANDS, PATIENCE WILL AUTOCLAVE THEM FROM-
Masked robber: GIMME YOUR WALLET.
Panel 5:
Red-haired man: WHAT?
Masked robber: WHAT'S YOUR JUSTIFICATION?!
Panel 6 (the man is now holding the gun, pointed at the robber):
Red-haired man: I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOUR SPEECHIFYING TO STEAL YOUR GUN, AND NOW I WOULD LIKE YOUR WALLET.
Panel 7 (the man points the gun; the robber clutches his chest, smiling nervously):
Red-haired man: I'M A WALLET-LOVING MORAL RELATIVIST.
Votey:
A close-up of the masked robber's wide-eyed, sweating face.
Red-haired man (off-panel, speech bubble): YOU WANNA GET A COFFEE?
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A robber in a red ski mask points a gun at a red-haired man and demands all his money. Instead of complying, the man launches into a philosophical lecture, calling himself an 'extreme-horizon scientific utilitarian' who believes morality is judged by outcomes and that since the sun will swallow Earth and all human history in 5 billion years, all prior action is meaningless. The robber, increasingly wide-eyed, just keeps repeating 'Gimme your wallet.' The man keeps monologuing about how none of his individual actions have moral character beyond a delimited time horizon. When the robber demands his justification, the next panel reveals the man now holding the gun, pointed at the robber: he says he took advantage of the robber's speechifying to steal the gun, and now he'd like the robber's wallet. Final panel, the robber clutches his chest nervously while the man, holding the gun, declares 'I'm a wallet-loving moral relativist.' Votey: a close-up of the masked robber's wide-eyed, sweating face as the man asks off-panel, 'You wanna get a coffee?'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.