colossus
Original: colossus on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A couple lies in bed together after sex. A woman with dark curly hair speaks to a man with flame-like red hair.
Woman: That was lovely.
Panel 2: Close-up on the red-haired man, looking incredulous.
Man: Lovely? That was GODDAMNED AMAZING.
Panel 3: The man gestures, the woman beside him.
Man: I'm tired of not being treated like the sex colossus I am!
Panel 4: The naked red-haired man stands and rants, arms spread.
Man: People act like Casanova was the Einstein of dongs, but he was doing sex in the epoch of the gold-brocade waistcoat that opened to reveal tight breeches! WHILE BEING ITALIAN! AND SINGLE!
Panel 5: The man points at himself.
Man: You know what that's called? That's called EASY MODE.
Panel 6: The man gestures emphatically, a sticky note labeled "Boss" reading "more work plz" floating nearby.
Man: Let him try setting the mood at 8PM on a Thursday in the suburbs with the body of a 2-hour commuter while nosey children claw at the door and your boss can reach you any time!
Panel 7: The woman speaks, off-panel toward the man.
Woman: That was god tier sex, wife!
Panel 8: The man, calmer, makes his point.
Man: You may, literally, not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.
Panel 9 (red close-up): The woman's mouth and the man beside her.
Panel 10: A close-up of a hand on a hairy chest.
Panel 11 (silhouette): The couple in bed, the woman silhouetted speaking.
Woman: Can we go again, then?
Panel 12 (silhouette): The man's reply.
Man: Baby it's 8:02 and I have work tomorrow.
Votey:
The red-haired man's face is shown.
Man: Apologies. I appear to have gotten quite a bit of body hair and spittle on you.
Woman: That was lovely.
Panel 2: Close-up on the red-haired man, looking incredulous.
Man: Lovely? That was GODDAMNED AMAZING.
Panel 3: The man gestures, the woman beside him.
Man: I'm tired of not being treated like the sex colossus I am!
Panel 4: The naked red-haired man stands and rants, arms spread.
Man: People act like Casanova was the Einstein of dongs, but he was doing sex in the epoch of the gold-brocade waistcoat that opened to reveal tight breeches! WHILE BEING ITALIAN! AND SINGLE!
Panel 5: The man points at himself.
Man: You know what that's called? That's called EASY MODE.
Panel 6: The man gestures emphatically, a sticky note labeled "Boss" reading "more work plz" floating nearby.
Man: Let him try setting the mood at 8PM on a Thursday in the suburbs with the body of a 2-hour commuter while nosey children claw at the door and your boss can reach you any time!
Panel 7: The woman speaks, off-panel toward the man.
Woman: That was god tier sex, wife!
Panel 8: The man, calmer, makes his point.
Man: You may, literally, not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.
Panel 9 (red close-up): The woman's mouth and the man beside her.
Panel 10: A close-up of a hand on a hairy chest.
Panel 11 (silhouette): The couple in bed, the woman silhouetted speaking.
Woman: Can we go again, then?
Panel 12 (silhouette): The man's reply.
Man: Baby it's 8:02 and I have work tomorrow.
Votey:
The red-haired man's face is shown.
Man: Apologies. I appear to have gotten quite a bit of body hair and spittle on you.
Alt text
A 12-panel SMBC comic. A dark-haired woman and a red-haired man lie in bed after sex. She says, "That was lovely." He's offended: "Lovely? That was GODDAMNED AMAZING." He declares, "I'm tired of not being treated like the sex colossus I am!" Standing naked and ranting, he argues that Casanova had it easy: "People act like Casanova was the Einstein of dongs, but he was doing sex in the epoch of the gold-brocade waistcoat that opened to reveal tight breeches! WHILE BEING ITALIAN! AND SINGLE!" He calls that "EASY MODE," then lists his own hardships, gesturing at a sticky note from his boss reading "more work plz": "Let him try setting the mood at 8PM on a Thursday in the suburbs with the body of a 2-hour commuter while nosey children claw at the door and your boss can reach you any time!" The woman placates him: "That was god tier sex, wife!" He concludes, "You may, literally, not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like." In silhouette she asks, "Can we go again, then?" and he deflates: "Baby it's 8:02 and I have work tomorrow." Votey: a close-up of the red-haired man's face as he says, "Apologies. I appear to have gotten quite a bit of body hair and spittle on you."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.