pairings
Original: pairings on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (title card):
KNOW YOUR WINE-ANXIETY PAIRINGS
Panel 2 — SELF ESTEEM ANXIETY:
(A distressed stick figure clutches its chest and head.)
Caption: CABERNET SAUVIGNON, BECAUSE LIKE YOU IT IS HEAVY AND BITTER.
Panel 3 — SOCIAL ANXIETY:
(A stick figure frowns and looks away, arm behind its back.)
Caption: SAUTERNES, BECAUSE IT IS CLOYINGLY SWEET YET STILL UNPOPULAR.
Panel 4 — MONEY ANXIETY:
(A frowning stick figure squeezes a small object in its hand.)
Caption: ANY WINE IN A PLASTIC BLADDER SO YOU CAN SQUEEZE OUT THE LAST THREE DROPS.
Panel 5 — WORK-RELATED ANXIETY:
(A worried stick figure sits at a computer monitor.)
Caption: LIGHT WHITE WINE, BECAUSE YOU CAN SWALLOW IT DOWN FOR 8 HOURS A DAY, EVERYDAY, WITHOUT FEELING ANYTHING.
Panel 6 — EXISTENTIAL ANXIETY:
(A dark, faceless gray figure with only two eyes stares out against a black background.)
Caption: TEQUILA. IT IS NOT REALLY WINE, BUT IS ANYTHING REAL? ANYTHING?
Votey:
Handwritten text: Yes. Tequila is real.
KNOW YOUR WINE-ANXIETY PAIRINGS
Panel 2 — SELF ESTEEM ANXIETY:
(A distressed stick figure clutches its chest and head.)
Caption: CABERNET SAUVIGNON, BECAUSE LIKE YOU IT IS HEAVY AND BITTER.
Panel 3 — SOCIAL ANXIETY:
(A stick figure frowns and looks away, arm behind its back.)
Caption: SAUTERNES, BECAUSE IT IS CLOYINGLY SWEET YET STILL UNPOPULAR.
Panel 4 — MONEY ANXIETY:
(A frowning stick figure squeezes a small object in its hand.)
Caption: ANY WINE IN A PLASTIC BLADDER SO YOU CAN SQUEEZE OUT THE LAST THREE DROPS.
Panel 5 — WORK-RELATED ANXIETY:
(A worried stick figure sits at a computer monitor.)
Caption: LIGHT WHITE WINE, BECAUSE YOU CAN SWALLOW IT DOWN FOR 8 HOURS A DAY, EVERYDAY, WITHOUT FEELING ANYTHING.
Panel 6 — EXISTENTIAL ANXIETY:
(A dark, faceless gray figure with only two eyes stares out against a black background.)
Caption: TEQUILA. IT IS NOT REALLY WINE, BUT IS ANYTHING REAL? ANYTHING?
Votey:
Handwritten text: Yes. Tequila is real.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC chart titled 'KNOW YOUR WINE-ANXIETY PAIRINGS,' matching types of anxiety to wines with stick figures showing each mood. SELF ESTEEM ANXIETY: a distressed figure clutching itself, paired with 'Cabernet Sauvignon, because like you it is heavy and bitter.' SOCIAL ANXIETY: a frowning figure turned away, paired with 'Sauternes, because it is cloyingly sweet yet still unpopular.' MONEY ANXIETY: a figure squeezing something in its fist, paired with 'Any wine in a plastic bladder so you can squeeze out the last three drops.' WORK-RELATED ANXIETY: a worried figure at a computer, paired with 'Light white wine, because you can swallow it down for 8 hours a day, everyday, without feeling anything.' EXISTENTIAL ANXIETY: a faceless gray figure on a black background, paired with 'Tequila. It is not really wine, but is anything real? Anything?' Votey: handwritten text answers, 'Yes. Tequila is real.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.