commandments
Original: commandments on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: Moses, holding two stone tablets, stands atop a mountain addressing a crowd of silhouetted figures below.
Moses: "Behold! God had sent ten commandments!"
Panel 2: Three bearded men in the crowd discuss the tablets.
First man: "Nothing about consent?"
Second man: "No rules against slavery?"
Panel 3: A man in the crowd calls up to Moses, who stands on a distant peak.
Man: "You got anything in there about genocide?"
Moses: "Kinda!"
Panel 4: Moses gestures with the tablets while the crowd reacts.
Moses: "It's not in this documentation, but some of the other books list the groups that must be obliterated."
Panel 5: The crowd of bearded men talk among themselves.
First man: "We're gonna go back to worshipping a magical golden calf."
Second man: "That calf talks a lot of sense."
Panel 6: Moses, far in the distance on a barren landscape, addresses a tiny crowd that is walking away toward a small golden calf.
Moses: "Now then, where was I? Ah, yes, I want you to see this chart on the value of de-worming to improve health outcomes in third world countries, which..."
Panel 7: Moses sits alone on a rock, slumped and dejected, as the crowd has departed in the distance.
Panel 8 (caption banner): "Shortly..."
Moses, now in a fiery landscape with flames all around, points and shouts.
Moses: "Repent! Repent!"
Panel 9: Moses stands with arms raised before a crowd of bearded onlookers, hellfire raging behind him. In the flames, a golden calf reclines beside a stone tablet.
Votey:
A white speech bubble points down toward the golden calf, which lies on its side.
Golden calf: "Wait, how am I on fire if I'm made of gold?"
Moses: "Behold! God had sent ten commandments!"
Panel 2: Three bearded men in the crowd discuss the tablets.
First man: "Nothing about consent?"
Second man: "No rules against slavery?"
Panel 3: A man in the crowd calls up to Moses, who stands on a distant peak.
Man: "You got anything in there about genocide?"
Moses: "Kinda!"
Panel 4: Moses gestures with the tablets while the crowd reacts.
Moses: "It's not in this documentation, but some of the other books list the groups that must be obliterated."
Panel 5: The crowd of bearded men talk among themselves.
First man: "We're gonna go back to worshipping a magical golden calf."
Second man: "That calf talks a lot of sense."
Panel 6: Moses, far in the distance on a barren landscape, addresses a tiny crowd that is walking away toward a small golden calf.
Moses: "Now then, where was I? Ah, yes, I want you to see this chart on the value of de-worming to improve health outcomes in third world countries, which..."
Panel 7: Moses sits alone on a rock, slumped and dejected, as the crowd has departed in the distance.
Panel 8 (caption banner): "Shortly..."
Moses, now in a fiery landscape with flames all around, points and shouts.
Moses: "Repent! Repent!"
Panel 9: Moses stands with arms raised before a crowd of bearded onlookers, hellfire raging behind him. In the flames, a golden calf reclines beside a stone tablet.
Votey:
A white speech bubble points down toward the golden calf, which lies on its side.
Golden calf: "Wait, how am I on fire if I'm made of gold?"
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic retelling the Ten Commandments. Panel 1: Moses stands atop a mountain holding two stone tablets, announcing to a silhouetted crowd, "Behold! God had sent ten commandments!" Panels 2-4: Skeptical bearded men in the crowd ask whether the commandments cover consent, slavery, or genocide; Moses cheerfully answers "Kinda!" and explains that the groups to be obliterated are listed in other books, not this documentation. Panel 5: Crowd members decide they'd rather go back to worshipping a magical golden calf, saying "That calf talks a lot of sense." Panel 6: From a great distance, a tiny Moses keeps lecturing about deworming charts and third-world health outcomes while the crowd walks away toward a small golden calf. Panel 7: Moses sits alone and dejected on a rock. Panel 8, labeled "Shortly...": Moses, now surrounded by hellfire, points and shouts "Repent! Repent!" Panel 9: He rants with arms raised before a crowd as flames rage; the golden calf reclines in the fire beside a stone tablet. Votey: Close-up of the golden calf lying down, a speech bubble asking, "Wait, how am I on fire if I'm made of gold?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.