freudeity
Original: freudeity on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (kneeling, arms raised, distressed): "HEAVEN? ME? BUT HOW?"
God (offscreen, from above): "GOD IS A FREUDIAN. ALMOST EVERYONE QUALIFIES FOR HEAVEN."
Panel 2:
God (bearded figure at a podium/pulpit): "ALL THE SINFUL STUFF YOU DID? THE LYING, CHEATING, STEALING, AND SO ON? IT WAS THE RESULT OF NEUROSES BROUGHT ON BY REPRESSION OF YOUR ENORMOUS ENORMOUS FOOT FETISH."
Woman: "I DON'T HAVE A FOOT FETISH."
Panel 3:
God: "FOOT FETISH IS A FREUDIAN. ALMOST EVERYONE QUALIFIES FOR HEAVEN." (God): "RIGHT. BECAUSE IT WAS REPRESSED."
Panel 4:
Woman: "IT WAS NOT! IT DOESN'T EXIST!"
God: "OKAY, THEN I GUESS THE OMNISCIENT DEITY WHO EXISTS OUTSIDE OF TIME AND SPACE GOT CONFUSED ABOUT YOU IN PARTICULAR."
Panel 5:
Woman (angry): "STOP IT! I WAS A HEDONIST! I DID ALL THAT BAD STUFF FOR PHILOSOPHICAL REASONS! NOT PSYCHOLOGICAL STUFF!"
God: "PLEASE DON'T SHOUT, MA'AM."
Panel 6:
Woman (shouting, distraught): "I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL! I DID ALL THAT SINNING BECAUSE I WANTED TO! I MADE MY DESTINY AND I WILL DWELL ON THE CONSEQUENCES AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE FEET!"
God: "THAT'S FINE, MA'AM. HERE'S YOUR HALO, TINY WINGS, AND VASE. PLEASE ENJOY THE AFTERLIFE."
Panel 7:
Caption: "EVER AFTER."
Angel (the woman, now with halo and wings, sitting on a cloud): "THIS SUCKS."
Votey:
A close-up line drawing in a hand-drawn square border showing a person bent over, leaning down toward their own foot/leg (suggesting they are looking at or touching their foot).
Woman (kneeling, arms raised, distressed): "HEAVEN? ME? BUT HOW?"
God (offscreen, from above): "GOD IS A FREUDIAN. ALMOST EVERYONE QUALIFIES FOR HEAVEN."
Panel 2:
God (bearded figure at a podium/pulpit): "ALL THE SINFUL STUFF YOU DID? THE LYING, CHEATING, STEALING, AND SO ON? IT WAS THE RESULT OF NEUROSES BROUGHT ON BY REPRESSION OF YOUR ENORMOUS ENORMOUS FOOT FETISH."
Woman: "I DON'T HAVE A FOOT FETISH."
Panel 3:
God: "FOOT FETISH IS A FREUDIAN. ALMOST EVERYONE QUALIFIES FOR HEAVEN." (God): "RIGHT. BECAUSE IT WAS REPRESSED."
Panel 4:
Woman: "IT WAS NOT! IT DOESN'T EXIST!"
God: "OKAY, THEN I GUESS THE OMNISCIENT DEITY WHO EXISTS OUTSIDE OF TIME AND SPACE GOT CONFUSED ABOUT YOU IN PARTICULAR."
Panel 5:
Woman (angry): "STOP IT! I WAS A HEDONIST! I DID ALL THAT BAD STUFF FOR PHILOSOPHICAL REASONS! NOT PSYCHOLOGICAL STUFF!"
God: "PLEASE DON'T SHOUT, MA'AM."
Panel 6:
Woman (shouting, distraught): "I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL! I DID ALL THAT SINNING BECAUSE I WANTED TO! I MADE MY DESTINY AND I WILL DWELL ON THE CONSEQUENCES AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE FEET!"
God: "THAT'S FINE, MA'AM. HERE'S YOUR HALO, TINY WINGS, AND VASE. PLEASE ENJOY THE AFTERLIFE."
Panel 7:
Caption: "EVER AFTER."
Angel (the woman, now with halo and wings, sitting on a cloud): "THIS SUCKS."
Votey:
A close-up line drawing in a hand-drawn square border showing a person bent over, leaning down toward their own foot/leg (suggesting they are looking at or touching their foot).
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A woman kneels in distress as God announces from above that she qualifies for Heaven, because "God is a Freudian" and almost everyone qualifies. God, a bearded figure at a pulpit, explains all her sins (lying, cheating, stealing) were caused by repression of her "enormous enormous foot fetish." She insists she has no foot fetish; God replies that's exactly because it was repressed. When she protests it doesn't exist, God sarcastically says the omniscient deity outside time and space must have gotten confused about her in particular. She angrily declares she was a hedonist who sinned for philosophical reasons, not psychological ones; God asks her not to shout. She erupts, "I am the captain of my soul! I made my destiny... and I don't even like feet!" God calmly hands her a halo, tiny wings, and a vase and wishes her a good afterlife. Final panel labeled "Ever after": she sits as an angel on a cloud, deadpan, saying "This sucks." Votey: a close-up line drawing of a person bent over, leaning down toward their own foot.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.