cinnamon-buns
Original: cinnamon-buns on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title: THE CINNAMON ROLL DELTA FUNCTION
[A graph. The vertical (y) axis is labeled "TASTINESS". The horizontal (x) axis is labeled "QUALITY OF INGREDIENTS". The curve is mostly flat along the bottom (near-zero tastiness) except for one extremely tall, thin spike (a Dirac delta function) rising vertically at a single point.]
[Blue annotation on the flat left portion of the curve, with an arrow pointing to it:] "TASTES LIKE DRY BREAD WITH SUGAR"
[Orange annotation on the flat right portion of the curve, with an arrow pointing to it:] "WHY IS THERE FENNEL AND ORANGE BLOSSOM? DID I STRANGLE MY INNER CHILD?"
Votey:
[A man speaking, looking downward.] "I WANT MACARONI AND CHEESE, BUT I ALSO WANT DIGNITY. PLEASE FOUL THIS FOOD WITH TRUFFLE OIL."
[A graph. The vertical (y) axis is labeled "TASTINESS". The horizontal (x) axis is labeled "QUALITY OF INGREDIENTS". The curve is mostly flat along the bottom (near-zero tastiness) except for one extremely tall, thin spike (a Dirac delta function) rising vertically at a single point.]
[Blue annotation on the flat left portion of the curve, with an arrow pointing to it:] "TASTES LIKE DRY BREAD WITH SUGAR"
[Orange annotation on the flat right portion of the curve, with an arrow pointing to it:] "WHY IS THERE FENNEL AND ORANGE BLOSSOM? DID I STRANGLE MY INNER CHILD?"
Votey:
[A man speaking, looking downward.] "I WANT MACARONI AND CHEESE, BUT I ALSO WANT DIGNITY. PLEASE FOUL THIS FOOD WITH TRUFFLE OIL."
Alt text
A hand-drawn graph titled "The Cinnamon Roll Delta Function." The vertical axis is labeled TASTINESS and the horizontal axis is labeled QUALITY OF INGREDIENTS. The plotted curve is nearly flat along the bottom everywhere except for a single extremely tall, razor-thin spike rising straight up at one point in the middle, mimicking a mathematical Dirac delta function. A blue label with an arrow points to the flat low region on the left, reading "Tastes like dry bread with sugar." An orange label with an arrow points to the flat low region on the right, reading "Why is there fennel and orange blossom? Did I strangle my inner child?" The joke: only one exact, narrow level of ingredient quality makes a cinnamon roll tasty; cheaper is bland and fancier is pretentious. Votey (aftercomic): a man looking down says, "I want macaroni and cheese, but I also want dignity. Please foul this food with truffle oil."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.