politics-3
Original: politics-3 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Green alien (to a naked human man hooked up to wires/monitors aboard a spaceship): "I DON'T GET IT. WE SENT PERFECTLY-CRAFTED FAKE VIDEOS OF ALL YOUR WORLD LEADERS ENACTING SATANIC RITES, VIOLATING ALL OF YOUR MOST SACRED TABOOS, AND IT DIDN'T SHIFT THE OPINION POLLS AT ALL."
Panel 2:
Green alien: "OPPONENTS HAD ALREADY ASSUMED THE LEADERS THEY DISLIKE WERE LITERALLY EATING BABIES, AND SUPPORTERS ALL SAID THAT THE METHODS WERE 'LESS THAN IDEAL' BUT THAT WE SHOULD 'SEE WHERE THEY'RE GOING WITH THIS BEFORE WE RUSH TO JUDGMENT.'"
Human man: "YEAH."
Panel 3:
(The alien points at a readout/chart. The human man looks on.)
Panel 4:
Green alien: "WE'RE A WEAK SPECIES."
Human man: "JUST THE OPPOSITE!"
Green alien: "YOUR POLITICS IS INCORRUPTIBLE BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY AT MAXIMUM GULLIBILITY! WE USUALLY CONQUER PLANETS BY BREAKING DOWN THEIR INSTITUTIONS, BUT IN YOUR CASE IT'S LIKE STOMPING ON BROKEN GLASS!"
Panel 5:
Green alien: "CALL OFF THE INVASION! THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO TRICK!"
Human man: "I'VE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD."
Panel 6:
(The alien works at a console; the naked human man sits looking out a window at the Earth in space.)
Votey:
A close-up of the curve of a person's lower back, buttock, and the back of a thigh, with what appears to be a small electrode/sensor pad (like the monitoring electrodes seen on the man in the comic) stuck to the skin.
Green alien (to a naked human man hooked up to wires/monitors aboard a spaceship): "I DON'T GET IT. WE SENT PERFECTLY-CRAFTED FAKE VIDEOS OF ALL YOUR WORLD LEADERS ENACTING SATANIC RITES, VIOLATING ALL OF YOUR MOST SACRED TABOOS, AND IT DIDN'T SHIFT THE OPINION POLLS AT ALL."
Panel 2:
Green alien: "OPPONENTS HAD ALREADY ASSUMED THE LEADERS THEY DISLIKE WERE LITERALLY EATING BABIES, AND SUPPORTERS ALL SAID THAT THE METHODS WERE 'LESS THAN IDEAL' BUT THAT WE SHOULD 'SEE WHERE THEY'RE GOING WITH THIS BEFORE WE RUSH TO JUDGMENT.'"
Human man: "YEAH."
Panel 3:
(The alien points at a readout/chart. The human man looks on.)
Panel 4:
Green alien: "WE'RE A WEAK SPECIES."
Human man: "JUST THE OPPOSITE!"
Green alien: "YOUR POLITICS IS INCORRUPTIBLE BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY AT MAXIMUM GULLIBILITY! WE USUALLY CONQUER PLANETS BY BREAKING DOWN THEIR INSTITUTIONS, BUT IN YOUR CASE IT'S LIKE STOMPING ON BROKEN GLASS!"
Panel 5:
Green alien: "CALL OFF THE INVASION! THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO TRICK!"
Human man: "I'VE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD."
Panel 6:
(The alien works at a console; the naked human man sits looking out a window at the Earth in space.)
Votey:
A close-up of the curve of a person's lower back, buttock, and the back of a thigh, with what appears to be a small electrode/sensor pad (like the monitoring electrodes seen on the man in the comic) stuck to the skin.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic set aboard an alien spaceship, where a green, slug-like alien talks to a naked human man wired up to monitoring electrodes. Panel 1: the alien says it doesn't get it - they sent perfectly-crafted fake videos of all the world's leaders enacting satanic rites and violating sacred taboos, and it didn't shift the opinion polls at all. Panel 2: the alien explains that opponents had already assumed the disliked leaders were literally eating babies, and supporters said the methods were 'less than ideal' but that we should 'see where they're going with this before we rush to judgment.' The man replies, 'Yeah.' Panels 3-4: the alien gestures at a readout and concludes humans are 'a weak species,' but the man insists 'Just the opposite!' The alien realizes human politics is incorruptible because humans are already at maximum gullibility - they usually conquer planets by breaking down institutions, but here it's 'like stomping on broken glass.' Panel 5: the alien shouts to call off the invasion because humans are 'too stupid to trick,' and the man says, 'I've never been so proud.' Panel 6: the man sits gazing out a porthole at planet Earth. The joke: human partisanship is so entrenched and credulous that propaganda can't move it, which the alien reads as an unbeatable defense. The votey is a close-up of a person's lower back, buttock, and thigh with a small monitoring electrode stuck to the skin - the same sensor pads the man wears in the comic, applied to a more intimate spot.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.