happy-endings
Original: happy-endings on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man lies on a massage table, face down, eyes closed. A masseuse stands behind him, hands on his back.
Panel 2: The masseuse, a woman, leans down close to the man's head.
Masseuse: Can I interest you in a... "happy ending"?
Panel 3: The man, eyes still closed, smiles slightly.
Man: I... well... yes, okay!
Panel 4: The masseuse turns serious, scowling.
Masseuse: There are no happy endings. There are bad lives immiserated by existence and there are good lives thwarted by death.
Panel 5: The masseuse stands holding a drink, looking down at the man, who now looks alarmed.
Masseuse: Also, I'm an undercover cop and you're under arrest for soliciting.
Man: I don't even care now.
Votey:
A close-up of the man's face, looking weary and dejected.
Man (off-panel speech, pointing at the masseuse): You are being a poor sport, sir.
Panel 2: The masseuse, a woman, leans down close to the man's head.
Masseuse: Can I interest you in a... "happy ending"?
Panel 3: The man, eyes still closed, smiles slightly.
Man: I... well... yes, okay!
Panel 4: The masseuse turns serious, scowling.
Masseuse: There are no happy endings. There are bad lives immiserated by existence and there are good lives thwarted by death.
Panel 5: The masseuse stands holding a drink, looking down at the man, who now looks alarmed.
Masseuse: Also, I'm an undercover cop and you're under arrest for soliciting.
Man: I don't even care now.
Votey:
A close-up of the man's face, looking weary and dejected.
Man (off-panel speech, pointing at the masseuse): You are being a poor sport, sir.
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. A man lies face-down on a massage table while a female masseuse works on his back. She leans in and asks, "Can I interest you in a... 'happy ending'?" He smiles and says, "I... well... yes, okay!" Her expression turns grim and she launches into a bleak monologue: "There are no happy endings. There are bad lives immiserated by existence and there are good lives thwarted by death." In the final panel she adds, "Also, I'm an undercover cop and you're under arrest for soliciting," while the man, defeated, replies, "I don't even care now." Votey (aftercomic): a close-up of the man's weary, dejected face as he says, "You are being a poor sport, sir."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.