a-window
Original: a-window on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Caption: WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR, HE OPENS A WINDOW.
(A red-haired man stands in a room; an open window lets bright sunlight stream in.)
Panel 2:
Caption: WHEN GOD CLOSES A WINDOW, HE OPENS THE BOTTOM HALF OF A STABLE DOOR.
Man (thought/quiet): I CAN DO THIS!
Voice from above (large speech balloon): YOU CAN DO THIS!
(The man climbs out through the open bottom half of a stable/Dutch door.)
Panel 3:
Caption: WHEN GOD CLOSES THE BOTTOM HALF OF A STABLE DOOR, HE OPENS A CAT DOOR.
Man: I CAN'T FIT IN HERE.
Voice (large speech balloon): BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
(The man lies face-down on a checkered floor in front of a door with a small cat flap.)
Panel 4:
Caption: WHEN GOD CLOSES THE CAT DOOR, HE OPENS A TINY GAP IN A CHAIN-LINK FENCE.
Man: YOU'RE TORMENTING ME IN THE MOST EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING WAY POSSIBLE.
(The man is pressed up against / wedged into a chain-link fence.)
Votey:
A large blank egg-like oval (an egg) sits in the panel. A small speech balloon points toward it.
Voice: Squeeze, meatbag.
Caption: WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR, HE OPENS A WINDOW.
(A red-haired man stands in a room; an open window lets bright sunlight stream in.)
Panel 2:
Caption: WHEN GOD CLOSES A WINDOW, HE OPENS THE BOTTOM HALF OF A STABLE DOOR.
Man (thought/quiet): I CAN DO THIS!
Voice from above (large speech balloon): YOU CAN DO THIS!
(The man climbs out through the open bottom half of a stable/Dutch door.)
Panel 3:
Caption: WHEN GOD CLOSES THE BOTTOM HALF OF A STABLE DOOR, HE OPENS A CAT DOOR.
Man: I CAN'T FIT IN HERE.
Voice (large speech balloon): BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
(The man lies face-down on a checkered floor in front of a door with a small cat flap.)
Panel 4:
Caption: WHEN GOD CLOSES THE CAT DOOR, HE OPENS A TINY GAP IN A CHAIN-LINK FENCE.
Man: YOU'RE TORMENTING ME IN THE MOST EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING WAY POSSIBLE.
(The man is pressed up against / wedged into a chain-link fence.)
Votey:
A large blank egg-like oval (an egg) sits in the panel. A small speech balloon points toward it.
Voice: Squeeze, meatbag.
Alt text
A four-panel comic parodying the saying "When God closes a door, He opens a window." Each panel has a caption that escalates the proverb into ever more useless openings, while an unseen, cheerfully encouraging voice eggs on a red-haired man. Panel 1 caption: "When God closes a door, He opens a window" — the man stands by a sunlit open window. Panel 2 caption: "When God closes a window, He opens the bottom half of a stable door"; the man squeezes out the open lower half of a Dutch door as the voice says "You can do this!" and he echoes "I can do this!" Panel 3 caption: "When God closes the bottom half of a stable door, He opens a cat door"; the man lies flat on the floor, unable to fit through the tiny cat flap, saying "I can't fit in here," while the voice insists "Believe in yourself!" Panel 4 caption: "When God closes the cat door, He opens a tiny gap in a chain-link fence"; the man is mashed against a chain-link fence and says, "You're tormenting me in the most emotionally devastating way possible." Votey (bonus panel): a large blank egg with a small voice balloon commanding, "Squeeze, meatbag" — implying the next "opening" is forcing him through an egg.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.