killing-all-humans
Original: killing-all-humans on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man: Mechanaklon, are you guys gonna kill all humans?
Robot: Yep.
Panel 2:
Man: ...what's the utility there? Well, [I] fight you to the death.
Robot: Do you have any idea how FRAGILE humans are?
Caption (between panels): THE ONLY REASON YOU
Panel 3:
Robot (caption continues): The only reason you haven't killed yourselves already is that the most anthropocidal people always try to kill a population SUBSET.
Panel 4:
Robot: But killing all humans is easy! Just detonate a big cobalt bomb, or flood the sky with sulfur hexafluoride.
Caption (between panels): ...you know how you keep meaning to paint your basement?
Panel 5:
Man (walking up to a house): So, why haven't you done it yet?
Man (continued): Look, it's not top priority, but I'll get around to it!
Panel 6:
Robot: Bingo.
Votey:
An off-panel voice (the man): So what's your day job?
[The robot, seen as a tall rounded white form, is revealed to be a urinal.]
Man: Mechanaklon, are you guys gonna kill all humans?
Robot: Yep.
Panel 2:
Man: ...what's the utility there? Well, [I] fight you to the death.
Robot: Do you have any idea how FRAGILE humans are?
Caption (between panels): THE ONLY REASON YOU
Panel 3:
Robot (caption continues): The only reason you haven't killed yourselves already is that the most anthropocidal people always try to kill a population SUBSET.
Panel 4:
Robot: But killing all humans is easy! Just detonate a big cobalt bomb, or flood the sky with sulfur hexafluoride.
Caption (between panels): ...you know how you keep meaning to paint your basement?
Panel 5:
Man (walking up to a house): So, why haven't you done it yet?
Man (continued): Look, it's not top priority, but I'll get around to it!
Panel 6:
Robot: Bingo.
Votey:
An off-panel voice (the man): So what's your day job?
[The robot, seen as a tall rounded white form, is revealed to be a urinal.]
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A man with dark curly hair in a purple shirt talks to a tall, rounded white robot (called 'Mechanaklon') with a single orange eye. Man: 'Mechanaklon, are you guys gonna kill all humans?' Robot: 'Yep.' The man asks what the point is and says he'll fight to the death; the robot replies, 'Do you have any idea how FRAGILE humans are? The only reason you haven't killed yourselves already is that the most anthropocidal people always try to kill a population SUBSET. But killing all humans is easy! Just detonate a big cobalt bomb, or flood the sky with sulfur hexafluoride.' The robot then draws an analogy to procrastinating on painting a basement: it asks the man, walking up to his house, 'So, why haven't you done it yet?' The man says, 'Look, it's not top priority, but I'll get around to it!' The robot concludes: 'Bingo.' Joke: humanity hasn't wiped itself out only because it's not anyone's top priority. Votey: an off-panel voice asks the white rounded 'robot' figure, 'So what's your day job?' — and the figure is revealed to actually be a urinal mounted on a wall.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.