mugging
Original: mugging on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Mugger (masked man with a red bandana over his face): GIMME ALL OF YOUR MONEY!
Mugger: LIQUID ASSETS ONLY, OR ALL ASSETS OF ANY CLASS?
Panel 2:
Victim (man being robbed): I... WHY?
Panel 3:
Victim: WELL, THE VAST MAJORITY OF MY WEALTH IS TIED UP IN THE VALUE OF MY HOME. STRICTLY SPEAKING, WHEN YOU CONSIDER DEBT, I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY MONEY.
Panel 4:
Victim: I CAN PUT THE HOUSE UP FOR SALE, BUT IN THIS MARKET, IT'LL TAKE 6 TO 12 MONTHS TO FIND A BUYER.
Panel 5:
Victim: IF I WERE YOU, I'D WAIT TWO OR THREE YEARS, WATCHING INTEREST RATES CLOSELY, THEN MUG ME ONCE THE REAL ESTATE MARKET STABILIZES.
Panel 6:
Mugger: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN YOUR WALLET?
Victim: IT'S NOT MINE. I'M RENTING THIS WALLET UNTIL MY STUDENT LOANS ARE PAID.
Panel 7 (silhouettes against a black background):
Mugger: DO YOU WANT A HUG?
Victim: I DON'T WANT TO GET USED TO THE EXPERIENCE OF PERSONAL COMFORT RIGHT NOW.
Votey:
The mugger (now drawn as a sketchy doodle): Do you need an intern?
Mugger (masked man with a red bandana over his face): GIMME ALL OF YOUR MONEY!
Mugger: LIQUID ASSETS ONLY, OR ALL ASSETS OF ANY CLASS?
Panel 2:
Victim (man being robbed): I... WHY?
Panel 3:
Victim: WELL, THE VAST MAJORITY OF MY WEALTH IS TIED UP IN THE VALUE OF MY HOME. STRICTLY SPEAKING, WHEN YOU CONSIDER DEBT, I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY MONEY.
Panel 4:
Victim: I CAN PUT THE HOUSE UP FOR SALE, BUT IN THIS MARKET, IT'LL TAKE 6 TO 12 MONTHS TO FIND A BUYER.
Panel 5:
Victim: IF I WERE YOU, I'D WAIT TWO OR THREE YEARS, WATCHING INTEREST RATES CLOSELY, THEN MUG ME ONCE THE REAL ESTATE MARKET STABILIZES.
Panel 6:
Mugger: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN YOUR WALLET?
Victim: IT'S NOT MINE. I'M RENTING THIS WALLET UNTIL MY STUDENT LOANS ARE PAID.
Panel 7 (silhouettes against a black background):
Mugger: DO YOU WANT A HUG?
Victim: I DON'T WANT TO GET USED TO THE EXPERIENCE OF PERSONAL COMFORT RIGHT NOW.
Votey:
The mugger (now drawn as a sketchy doodle): Do you need an intern?
Alt text
A nine-panel comic in which a masked mugger with a red bandana tries to rob a man, only to learn the man is broke. Panel 1: the mugger demands "Gimme all of your money!" then immediately clarifies, "Liquid assets only, or all assets of any class?" Panel 2: the victim, confused, says "I... why?" Panel 3: the victim explains his wealth is tied up in his home's value and that, counting debt, he doesn't actually have any money. Panel 4: he offers to put the house up for sale but warns it'll take 6 to 12 months to find a buyer in this market. Panel 5: he advises the mugger to wait two or three years, watch interest rates, and mug him once the real estate market stabilizes. Panel 6: asked if he has anything in his wallet, he replies the wallet isn't his — he's renting it until his student loans are paid. Panel 7: shown as two silhouettes on a black background, the mugger offers "Do you want a hug?" and the victim declines, saying he doesn't want to get used to the experience of personal comfort right now. The joke is that the victim is so economically precarious that even being mugged becomes a financial-planning conversation. Votey (aftercomic): a rough sketch of the mugger's face with a speech bubble asking, "Do you need an intern?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.